A breakdown of the advice given to people with "problems" by "sex experts"
80%: Talk to spouse/lover about this issue.
15%: I wouldn't worry about it unless [name serious medical condition, usually pain or discomfort] is involved.
5%: You should see a doctor about that.
Which means even with my limited experience, I could be a sex expert and still make 4 out of 5 people happy with my answer. Yes. I'm sure that it's that simple. Take that, Anna David.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Random HouseKeeping
Jeez, even the HouseKeeping isn't on schedule. Anyways...
Just to let you know what's up, I've been busy, but not necessarily with things here. Okay, obviously I haven't been spending time here. Mea culpa and junk like that.
First, Planet Houston Podcast is still running strong. Yes, I've gotten a little... zanier, shall we say? But the fact remains that the show's still being produced. I at least have it worked down to the point where the show can be produced in around an hour. So it should stick around for the time being.
Also, I'm still sort of collecting essays and posts together for a compilation. No, I still don't have a timeline for that. No, I haven't worked on my other book like I was supposed to. I've been busy, and I hate to admit that confidence took a brief nosedive for a second or two. But talking someone else up managed to pick me back up, too, so back to work on that, also.
Also, as a testament to just how behind schedule I've been, this update on how far behind I've been has sat around as an unfinished draft for the better part of two weeks. That makes no sense, whatsoever.
But hang in there. We're still doing what we do, even if it takes us a little while to do it.
Just to let you know what's up, I've been busy, but not necessarily with things here. Okay, obviously I haven't been spending time here. Mea culpa and junk like that.
First, Planet Houston Podcast is still running strong. Yes, I've gotten a little... zanier, shall we say? But the fact remains that the show's still being produced. I at least have it worked down to the point where the show can be produced in around an hour. So it should stick around for the time being.
Also, I'm still sort of collecting essays and posts together for a compilation. No, I still don't have a timeline for that. No, I haven't worked on my other book like I was supposed to. I've been busy, and I hate to admit that confidence took a brief nosedive for a second or two. But talking someone else up managed to pick me back up, too, so back to work on that, also.
Also, as a testament to just how behind schedule I've been, this update on how far behind I've been has sat around as an unfinished draft for the better part of two weeks. That makes no sense, whatsoever.
But hang in there. We're still doing what we do, even if it takes us a little while to do it.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Abstract Thought of the Day
Friend: But if it bothers you to see that person's face pop up in your friend's list, then why don't you just drop them as a friend?
Me: ... see, you just don't understand Facebook.
Me: ... see, you just don't understand Facebook.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
House Rant: RE: Dear {Facebook User}
So late last week, I made a rant wherein I pretty much went nuts. And while I titled said rant Dear {Facebook User}, which I thought gave it some degree of ambiguity, I've heard enough feedback from various sources that I feel the need to clarify just who the target of said rant was. Or more specifically, who the target wasn't.
So just for the sake of clarity, if you read said rant, or if by chance you are reading this one, you can be relatively assured that you weren't being referenced. If you're one of a handful of people that have spoken to me about said rant, or any rant I've made recently, or any comments I've made at all, you can be pretty sure that you weren't being referenced.
In fact, odds are pretty good that, in general, you weren't being referenced. Especially since I wasn't singling anyone out. I thought I had been clear about that, but before I start worrying or antagonizing people I had intention of doing that to, I want to be clear. This was never about one specific person, several people, or a group or groups. It was, in fact, a generic style rant targeted at several items and issues that tend to annoy me in life, specifically my electronic one.
I guess you could say that this was more of a "me" thing. See, I have this awful tendency of feeling like I'm intruding in other people's lives. And I know, you're probably thinking, "What? No. You? Who wouldn't want you around? You're great and blah blah blah..." but if you are, then that's your perception. Mine is that most people's lives roll along just fine without me, so why would they particularly want or need me pushing into their happy flow? Mind you, this is a perception issue that I fight with on a regular basis, so I do sometimes put myself out there.
Then of course there is the issue of electronic familiarity. It's very easy to let the electronic age we live in temper our view of others, especially those we've had a link to in the past. It's far too easy to run into someone you haven't seen or spoken to in years and feel like they're still the old familiar friend that you knew way back when. And while that may well be the case, the truth is also that they may have drastically changed since then, for better or worse, and that they may not hold the same memories (fond or otherwise) that you do.
So putting the two items together, you have a timid, somewhat reluctant personality trying to reach out to people they feel like they should be familiar with while not necessarily sure if said familiarity still exists or if said people even want to have them around. It's a personal recipe for disaster if ever there was one.
So you can forgive me, if, instead of playing the old classic game of mail/phone tag that I am prone to, a game that can become depressingly one-sided at times, I instead decided to empower myself. Not necessarily Oprah-level, "You go, girl!" empowerment, but I wanted to make sure that I told myself not to get caught up in that sick, sad web where I wonder if I'm good enough to have someone spare time for. I thought about it, decided I was, and then maybe got just a little too, ahem, "vocal" about my feelings on it.
Rest assured, though, that edge aside, I'm not particularly looking to grind an axe with anyone specific here. If anything, I would hope that in reading it you would feel empowered by my position and take your own self-dependent attitude into your life. Although, if you were to see it and feel a little bad about not keeping in touch with anyone (not just me), then just drop whoever a line and be done with it. Or accept that you really don't want to be part of that person's life, and be done with that, too. But enough of that. I don't want to get all edgy again. That's what started this in the first place...
So just for the sake of clarity, if you read said rant, or if by chance you are reading this one, you can be relatively assured that you weren't being referenced. If you're one of a handful of people that have spoken to me about said rant, or any rant I've made recently, or any comments I've made at all, you can be pretty sure that you weren't being referenced.
In fact, odds are pretty good that, in general, you weren't being referenced. Especially since I wasn't singling anyone out. I thought I had been clear about that, but before I start worrying or antagonizing people I had intention of doing that to, I want to be clear. This was never about one specific person, several people, or a group or groups. It was, in fact, a generic style rant targeted at several items and issues that tend to annoy me in life, specifically my electronic one.
I guess you could say that this was more of a "me" thing. See, I have this awful tendency of feeling like I'm intruding in other people's lives. And I know, you're probably thinking, "What? No. You? Who wouldn't want you around? You're great and blah blah blah..." but if you are, then that's your perception. Mine is that most people's lives roll along just fine without me, so why would they particularly want or need me pushing into their happy flow? Mind you, this is a perception issue that I fight with on a regular basis, so I do sometimes put myself out there.
Then of course there is the issue of electronic familiarity. It's very easy to let the electronic age we live in temper our view of others, especially those we've had a link to in the past. It's far too easy to run into someone you haven't seen or spoken to in years and feel like they're still the old familiar friend that you knew way back when. And while that may well be the case, the truth is also that they may have drastically changed since then, for better or worse, and that they may not hold the same memories (fond or otherwise) that you do.
So putting the two items together, you have a timid, somewhat reluctant personality trying to reach out to people they feel like they should be familiar with while not necessarily sure if said familiarity still exists or if said people even want to have them around. It's a personal recipe for disaster if ever there was one.
So you can forgive me, if, instead of playing the old classic game of mail/phone tag that I am prone to, a game that can become depressingly one-sided at times, I instead decided to empower myself. Not necessarily Oprah-level, "You go, girl!" empowerment, but I wanted to make sure that I told myself not to get caught up in that sick, sad web where I wonder if I'm good enough to have someone spare time for. I thought about it, decided I was, and then maybe got just a little too, ahem, "vocal" about my feelings on it.
Rest assured, though, that edge aside, I'm not particularly looking to grind an axe with anyone specific here. If anything, I would hope that in reading it you would feel empowered by my position and take your own self-dependent attitude into your life. Although, if you were to see it and feel a little bad about not keeping in touch with anyone (not just me), then just drop whoever a line and be done with it. Or accept that you really don't want to be part of that person's life, and be done with that, too. But enough of that. I don't want to get all edgy again. That's what started this in the first place...
HouseKeeping: The Path of the Writer
So I mentioned a week or so ago that I would get around to publishing at least one item within the next year. I'm still not sure what exactly will come out, but I have had a few ideas for things that I think might work well.
The first idea would theoretically be the easiest, and that would be to just do a compilation of some of my better rants and essays here. In my head, that would be simpler than any of the editing and rewriting I'd have to do to get my previous work together, even though I would probably end up editing a lot of crap... er, gems of gold before I put them in book form. The con side would be that all (or most) of the material would be available for free on the site. But the pro side (and what I would probably aim for) is that I could include any of a number of items that I may have worked on but never gotten around to posting. A bit of a bonus incentive for all both of you that stop by regular enough to have read all of the stuff I've posted.
That's assuming that I really care about that as an action, anyway. Honestly, I'll probably buy a copy, and then that'll be the end of it. I've thought about doing something wacky like offering up the proceeds to charity. But then I'd have to find a charity, and then I'd have to pretend that someone would buy it. Still, stranger things have happened.
The other option is to throw one or more of my independent projects together and put it out there. That's a much bigger kettle of fish for me to fry, though. If nothing else, it puts me into the position of exposing some of my work to the public (even if the public, in this case, would be a limited capacity). That, and I'm not really in love with my first major effort. And I told myself I was saving my next major effort for my NaNoWriMo project this year. Still, I might just say screw it and put it out there, anyway. It's probably better than I think it is, and if nothing else, it sets up the lead characters for the other stuff I have planned for them.
So that's that. I'll figure out which of either path I'll be taking over the next month and change, and presumably something should be out there by the end of the year (or early next year... I make no huge promise on the timeline).
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Adventures in Baking Part 3: Even More Music
(to the tune of Peanut Butter Jelly Time)
It's Peanut Butter-Chocolate Time! Peanut Butter-Chocolate Time!
o/~Where he at, where he at, where he at, where he at?
Now there he go, there he go, there he go, there he go!
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate!
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate!
If you all alone, then quit *itchin'
Just work it out in the kitchen.
If you mull on it, you'll get madder.
So just work it out with some batter.
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate,
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate...
Do the Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate,
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, with a mixing spoon!
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate,
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, they'll be all baked soon!o/~
It's Peanut Butter-Chocolate Time! Peanut Butter-Chocolate Time!
o/~Where he at, where he at, where he at, where he at?
Now there he go, there he go, there he go, there he go!
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate!
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate!
If you all alone, then quit *itchin'
Just work it out in the kitchen.
If you mull on it, you'll get madder.
So just work it out with some batter.
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate,
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate...
Do the Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate,
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, with a mixing spoon!
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, Peanut Butter-Chocolate,
Peanut Butter-Chocolate, they'll be all baked soon!o/~
Friday, August 28, 2009
Abstract Thought of the Day
Twitter is a strange beast. It is odd to see DJ AM become a trending topic as reports that he has died start to circulate. But it is even odder to see Travis Barker trend as well based on the sheer volume of people commenting something like, "That guy that was in a crash with Travis Barker?"
House Rant: Dear {Facebook User}
(And for once, this is a true rant about something wherein I tend to go off a bit. Be warned that I don't pull punches here, and please, please consider this was more about me than about any specific person in my life. Do not take the sentiment presented here personally. Although, if you can glean some kind of insight from it, more power to you...)
Dear {Facebook User}:
I've been pondering this for a while now. And now that I really think about it, no one has a really good excuse for not keeping in touch with me. Sure, life, blah blah, lost track of etc., etc. Whatever. I spend way too much time and waste way too much brain power trying to generate valid reasons for people not to contact me. You know what? I'm sick of it.
I get it. Your life is full of other stuff, and it is a little tricky getting back into a flow where you can bring people into (or back into) your life. I completely understand. I'm there, too. Which is why I can say this with absolute clarity and sincerity. I don't care what your excuse is.
This is not me blaming you or chastising you or even calling you out (and I know, it seems like that's what I'm doing, but I'm not). This is me clearing a vent in the old pipes of self-regret, and you are, unfortunately, just a little too close to the exhaust. Just close your eyes and straighten your hair up afterwards.
This is less about trying to dig into you as a person (which frankly, I wouldn't do; that would be shortsighted and just a smidge mean) and more about me getting myself out of the funk that is feeling like someone, anyone, or maybe even everyone should want to interact with me. Mind you, I'm not a lonely hermit, living in the shell that is his house who barely sees the light of day. I have activities. I have outings. I have friends and family and all of that stuff, too.
Which is why, again, I can say with a somewhat clear conscience that if you wanted to dig a few minutes out of your day to drop a line or a buzz or a poke or a tweet or a zonk or whatever the trendy thing is to do these days, you could do it. I know it's possible, because many people manage to do it. I manage to do it. And considering how anti-social I can be at times, that's saying a lot.
But I understand. You can't really be everyone's pal, after all. I just got done saying that earlier this week. And while this is a bit heavy handed, it's pretty much the same sentiment.
So know this. I have no problem with occasionally chasing someone down to touch base or whatever, but I will not do it indefinitely. As much as I might like to see you, I will not beg to spend time with you. As much as I like talking to and hearing from you, it will not kill me if that does not occur. And as much as I might like to keep you somewhere in the web that is my life, after a set period of time I will cut you off. I have no choice. I have neither the time, patience, or emotional fortitude necessary to maintain a one-sided relationship of any sort at this point in my life. I'd wager that I never could. And to be perfectly blunt, I'm not sure that I'd ever like to be.
You deserve better than to be pestered by me when you could be spending time on something more relevant to you, and I deserve better than to lower myself to hounding you like some... well, hound dog when I could be spending time on people and things that might appreciate it more.
Sincerely,
Thomas Houston
P.S. Please accept my apologies if, by some odd turn of fate, one of any of a handful of things has occurred that might take precedence over keeping in touch (you or a family member in a coma or something like that). I'd feel like a pretty big ***hole if I tore into you over your priorities and then found out that you really had the weight of the world on your shoulders. Although... talking to a friend can help shoulder burdens. Hey, I'm just saying...
Dear {Facebook User}:
I've been pondering this for a while now. And now that I really think about it, no one has a really good excuse for not keeping in touch with me. Sure, life, blah blah, lost track of etc., etc. Whatever. I spend way too much time and waste way too much brain power trying to generate valid reasons for people not to contact me. You know what? I'm sick of it.
I get it. Your life is full of other stuff, and it is a little tricky getting back into a flow where you can bring people into (or back into) your life. I completely understand. I'm there, too. Which is why I can say this with absolute clarity and sincerity. I don't care what your excuse is.
This is not me blaming you or chastising you or even calling you out (and I know, it seems like that's what I'm doing, but I'm not). This is me clearing a vent in the old pipes of self-regret, and you are, unfortunately, just a little too close to the exhaust. Just close your eyes and straighten your hair up afterwards.
This is less about trying to dig into you as a person (which frankly, I wouldn't do; that would be shortsighted and just a smidge mean) and more about me getting myself out of the funk that is feeling like someone, anyone, or maybe even everyone should want to interact with me. Mind you, I'm not a lonely hermit, living in the shell that is his house who barely sees the light of day. I have activities. I have outings. I have friends and family and all of that stuff, too.
Which is why, again, I can say with a somewhat clear conscience that if you wanted to dig a few minutes out of your day to drop a line or a buzz or a poke or a tweet or a zonk or whatever the trendy thing is to do these days, you could do it. I know it's possible, because many people manage to do it. I manage to do it. And considering how anti-social I can be at times, that's saying a lot.
But I understand. You can't really be everyone's pal, after all. I just got done saying that earlier this week. And while this is a bit heavy handed, it's pretty much the same sentiment.
So know this. I have no problem with occasionally chasing someone down to touch base or whatever, but I will not do it indefinitely. As much as I might like to see you, I will not beg to spend time with you. As much as I like talking to and hearing from you, it will not kill me if that does not occur. And as much as I might like to keep you somewhere in the web that is my life, after a set period of time I will cut you off. I have no choice. I have neither the time, patience, or emotional fortitude necessary to maintain a one-sided relationship of any sort at this point in my life. I'd wager that I never could. And to be perfectly blunt, I'm not sure that I'd ever like to be.
You deserve better than to be pestered by me when you could be spending time on something more relevant to you, and I deserve better than to lower myself to hounding you like some... well, hound dog when I could be spending time on people and things that might appreciate it more.
Sincerely,
Thomas Houston
P.S. Please accept my apologies if, by some odd turn of fate, one of any of a handful of things has occurred that might take precedence over keeping in touch (you or a family member in a coma or something like that). I'd feel like a pretty big ***hole if I tore into you over your priorities and then found out that you really had the weight of the world on your shoulders. Although... talking to a friend can help shoulder burdens. Hey, I'm just saying...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Abstract Thought of the Day
I don't know who to be more pissed off at: the idiot in the truck going 20 MPH that decided to cut in front of me, or the jerk behind me in the SUV with his freaking high beams on.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Words of Impact: The L-Word
(Part of an ongoing essay series involving the impact certain words have on our life. Although really, it's not all that serious...)
I've reached a point in my life where I've decided to openly embrace the L-word.
... No, not that L-word. I'm referring, of course, to "like". Much like I feel that friendship is an overused and underappreciated term, I think that the concept of liking someone or something is underrated, too.
Let's face facts here. The other L-word, "love" gets a lot of the spotlight in life. It's the glowy, sparkly beacon of all things great in the world, and the experience that makes it worth rolling out of bed in the morning (or into it, if you are one so inclined... but that's a whole other discussion).
It's pretty easy to get so sidetracked with the love issue that you end up oblivious to other factors. I've fallen victim to it many times. It's very, very easy to become wrapped up in a new love, the potential for love, a lack of love, or even the wistful memories of a love from the past (requited or that kind that I tend to end up with...).
But what tends to get lost in the shuffle is the simple notion of like. Generally, most people have someone that likes them. Quite a few people, in fact. Friends, family, coworkers, even random and assorted associates and strangers can like you as a person, whether they say so or not. And while we tend to take that for granted, it is no small thing. Having people that prefer you and enjoy your company far exceeds having people that couldn't be bothered to care or that outright hate you.
And most people in the world simply aren't going to love you. It's a fact that you might as well learn to deal with. Even if they say the words, even if you achieve sainthood, even if they write a song about you... you will not be universally loved. Which isn't to say that you'll be universally liked, but you have a better shot at that than the other thing.
And while it sucks to love someone and not have that love returned, the fact remains that more often than not, the person in question does still like you, just not necessarily the same way that you like them. In some cases, that may not even be true. They just may choose not to want to alter the state of your relationship the same way that you do. And while it can be very hard (and sometimes impossible) to get past your own sense of being scorned, you can always take consolation in the fact that they do have some measure of affection for you.
And if, in fact, someone does love you, you better darn well hope that they like you. Because despite what people might believe, it is possible to love someone but not necessarily like them. At best, it's some fringe relative that you feel obligated to because they're family. At worst... well, it's the stuff of Dateline specials and Lifetime movies.
So I'm choosing to embrace the "like" in the world. Which isn't to say that I don't want more love in my life. Quite the opposite. But while I don't have a small army of women chomping at the bit to love me (unless they're just really, really quiet chompers...), I have quite a few people in this world that like me. And that can be just as much, if not more fun and way more important in the long run than having the ever glorious love.
(... Except of course when you're missing that one thing, but like I said, that's a different discussion altogether...)
I've reached a point in my life where I've decided to openly embrace the L-word.
... No, not that L-word. I'm referring, of course, to "like". Much like I feel that friendship is an overused and underappreciated term, I think that the concept of liking someone or something is underrated, too.
Let's face facts here. The other L-word, "love" gets a lot of the spotlight in life. It's the glowy, sparkly beacon of all things great in the world, and the experience that makes it worth rolling out of bed in the morning (or into it, if you are one so inclined... but that's a whole other discussion).
It's pretty easy to get so sidetracked with the love issue that you end up oblivious to other factors. I've fallen victim to it many times. It's very, very easy to become wrapped up in a new love, the potential for love, a lack of love, or even the wistful memories of a love from the past (requited or that kind that I tend to end up with...).
But what tends to get lost in the shuffle is the simple notion of like. Generally, most people have someone that likes them. Quite a few people, in fact. Friends, family, coworkers, even random and assorted associates and strangers can like you as a person, whether they say so or not. And while we tend to take that for granted, it is no small thing. Having people that prefer you and enjoy your company far exceeds having people that couldn't be bothered to care or that outright hate you.
And most people in the world simply aren't going to love you. It's a fact that you might as well learn to deal with. Even if they say the words, even if you achieve sainthood, even if they write a song about you... you will not be universally loved. Which isn't to say that you'll be universally liked, but you have a better shot at that than the other thing.
And while it sucks to love someone and not have that love returned, the fact remains that more often than not, the person in question does still like you, just not necessarily the same way that you like them. In some cases, that may not even be true. They just may choose not to want to alter the state of your relationship the same way that you do. And while it can be very hard (and sometimes impossible) to get past your own sense of being scorned, you can always take consolation in the fact that they do have some measure of affection for you.
And if, in fact, someone does love you, you better darn well hope that they like you. Because despite what people might believe, it is possible to love someone but not necessarily like them. At best, it's some fringe relative that you feel obligated to because they're family. At worst... well, it's the stuff of Dateline specials and Lifetime movies.
So I'm choosing to embrace the "like" in the world. Which isn't to say that I don't want more love in my life. Quite the opposite. But while I don't have a small army of women chomping at the bit to love me (unless they're just really, really quiet chompers...), I have quite a few people in this world that like me. And that can be just as much, if not more fun and way more important in the long run than having the ever glorious love.
(... Except of course when you're missing that one thing, but like I said, that's a different discussion altogether...)
Words of Impact: The F-Word
(Part of an ongoing essay series involving the impact certain words have on our life. Although really, it's not all that serious...)
Life's a strange thing. We have all of these words that define who and what we are, but when it's said and done, we really can't define certain things.
Take the word "friend" for instance. We toss it around all the time to describe people we know and meet in life. But really, don't we toss it around a little too much? Or at the very least, a little too freely?
How many times have you ever called someone a friend not because you really felt that way about them but because you didn't want to imply that they weren't a friend while they were standing there? Or maybe you were talking to someone abut that person, and you felt like it would be more awkward to say anything other than "my friend' when referring to the person. We've all been there at some point or another.
One of the main problems we have with defining our relationships with others is that we tend to oversimplify the nature of those relationships. When it's all said and done, we only have the three categories of relationships to refer to people normally: strangers, friends, and "more than friends" (using whichever word we feel comfortable with to describe that type of relationship).
Yes, there are acquaintances and associates and coworkers and all those other words you can toss around. But we all know the truth about those, which is they essentially mean nothing. If you aren't at least a friend to someone, you're just a different class of stranger. Not that being unfamiliar with someone is such a huge crime. You can't be pals with everyone.
Really, we shouldn't take it so personally. It's only society's impression that everyone should love everyone that perpetuates the notion that every person in the world should be friends with everyone else (Barney the Dinosaur might have played some small part as well...). There's nothing inherently wrong with someone not being your friend and vice versa, but it does make one ponder the nature of friendship.
Granted, calling someone you aren't that close with a friend isn't a terrible thing, but it does set a bad precedent. Calling any random person you spend more than a few hours with a friend devalues the word for the people you really care about. Not to mention the fact that it subconsciously sets you up with the notion that the person is more important or trustworthy than they may be.
I've seen tons of cases where people claim that someone they've known for a few years from school or wherever are their best friends. This is generally followed by some event wherein the person then feels utterly betrayed or deceived by said best friend. This inevitably leads to someone shouting the phrase, "You're supposed to be my best friend!" or somesuch, when the truth is that the offended party really doesn't know the person well enough to be shocked by their behavior. And no, this doesn't just happen on Jerry Springer or Maury Povich.
I guess my point here is to say that friendship is in fact a pretty important gift to give and to receive. Try not to trivialize or underestimate the power of true friendship. And also, remember that only a small handful of people you meet in life will ever truly meet the standard of being called one.
Life's a strange thing. We have all of these words that define who and what we are, but when it's said and done, we really can't define certain things.
Take the word "friend" for instance. We toss it around all the time to describe people we know and meet in life. But really, don't we toss it around a little too much? Or at the very least, a little too freely?
How many times have you ever called someone a friend not because you really felt that way about them but because you didn't want to imply that they weren't a friend while they were standing there? Or maybe you were talking to someone abut that person, and you felt like it would be more awkward to say anything other than "my friend' when referring to the person. We've all been there at some point or another.
One of the main problems we have with defining our relationships with others is that we tend to oversimplify the nature of those relationships. When it's all said and done, we only have the three categories of relationships to refer to people normally: strangers, friends, and "more than friends" (using whichever word we feel comfortable with to describe that type of relationship).
Yes, there are acquaintances and associates and coworkers and all those other words you can toss around. But we all know the truth about those, which is they essentially mean nothing. If you aren't at least a friend to someone, you're just a different class of stranger. Not that being unfamiliar with someone is such a huge crime. You can't be pals with everyone.
Really, we shouldn't take it so personally. It's only society's impression that everyone should love everyone that perpetuates the notion that every person in the world should be friends with everyone else (Barney the Dinosaur might have played some small part as well...). There's nothing inherently wrong with someone not being your friend and vice versa, but it does make one ponder the nature of friendship.
Granted, calling someone you aren't that close with a friend isn't a terrible thing, but it does set a bad precedent. Calling any random person you spend more than a few hours with a friend devalues the word for the people you really care about. Not to mention the fact that it subconsciously sets you up with the notion that the person is more important or trustworthy than they may be.
I've seen tons of cases where people claim that someone they've known for a few years from school or wherever are their best friends. This is generally followed by some event wherein the person then feels utterly betrayed or deceived by said best friend. This inevitably leads to someone shouting the phrase, "You're supposed to be my best friend!" or somesuch, when the truth is that the offended party really doesn't know the person well enough to be shocked by their behavior. And no, this doesn't just happen on Jerry Springer or Maury Povich.
I guess my point here is to say that friendship is in fact a pretty important gift to give and to receive. Try not to trivialize or underestimate the power of true friendship. And also, remember that only a small handful of people you meet in life will ever truly meet the standard of being called one.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
F***ed Up: Fast Food Edition
I thought this was a joke at first, but apparently this is being tested in certain areas:
http://www.foodgeekery.com/reviews/double-down-with-kfc/
Why on earth would anyone think this was a good idea? I barely can convince myself that a single fillet is worth eating, but two as the bread? What did your arteries ever do to you?
http://www.foodgeekery.com/reviews/double-down-with-kfc/
Why on earth would anyone think this was a good idea? I barely can convince myself that a single fillet is worth eating, but two as the bread? What did your arteries ever do to you?
Monday, August 17, 2009
This Week's Housekeeping
... which shouldn't imply that this will become a weekly thing.
What to say, what to say... there is so much going on these days. First of all, Planet Houston Podcast is still going strong and will continue to do so for the near future. There will probably be a few more Tuesday evening broadcasts before it's all over, but the desire remains to keep doing it. Thanks to everyone who has and continues to offer support.
Also, I have to announce that I am now on Twitter. Yes, I gave into the darkness within, but it does seem to have its uses. If nothing else, it could provide more access for some of the other things I am working on.
And speaking of that, you may have noticed that I posted several excerpts from a former writing project of mine (items that all one of you commented on... grumble, grumble...). Well, I've been bouncing around the idea, and looking at this Lulu.com thing that a few people I know seem to be utilizing, and I've decided... why not? So sometime in the not so near future (probably early next year at the rate of progress I seem to move at), I will publish... something. Whether it's going to be a previous project, some new project, or some compilation of old items, I can't say. But at some point, I will need some support... the moral kind if not the financial kind.
So that's what I'm up to. Unfortunately, it means a somewhat major commitment for me, but the end result should be a pretty good thing. I hope. At least I can always say that I did it.
What to say, what to say... there is so much going on these days. First of all, Planet Houston Podcast is still going strong and will continue to do so for the near future. There will probably be a few more Tuesday evening broadcasts before it's all over, but the desire remains to keep doing it. Thanks to everyone who has and continues to offer support.
Also, I have to announce that I am now on Twitter. Yes, I gave into the darkness within, but it does seem to have its uses. If nothing else, it could provide more access for some of the other things I am working on.
And speaking of that, you may have noticed that I posted several excerpts from a former writing project of mine (items that all one of you commented on... grumble, grumble...). Well, I've been bouncing around the idea, and looking at this Lulu.com thing that a few people I know seem to be utilizing, and I've decided... why not? So sometime in the not so near future (probably early next year at the rate of progress I seem to move at), I will publish... something. Whether it's going to be a previous project, some new project, or some compilation of old items, I can't say. But at some point, I will need some support... the moral kind if not the financial kind.
So that's what I'm up to. Unfortunately, it means a somewhat major commitment for me, but the end result should be a pretty good thing. I hope. At least I can always say that I did it.
House Review: GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
As noted in the film's credits, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is based off of the Hasbro toy line. But much like its rival film, Transformers, you may as well credit the animated series and comic book for the characters' popularity. In fact, I'd wager that most people would remember the cartoon as the primary source of the characters.As characters go, you already know the primaries. Despite the potential depth of both the Joe and Cobra teams, the on screen rosters consist mainly of the characters you have already heard about or seen. This is actually a good thing, as it lets the characters have some chance to have some focus.
The film itself has a relatively straightforward plot. When Conrad "Duke" Hauser (Channing Tatum) and his pal Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) are ambushed during a military escort mission, they stumble into a world of global terrorists and the specially trained force that combats them.
Okay, so that sounds really formal and all, but it's just a pretense for the heroes to fight the bad guys. Seriously, this film is not an intricately laid tale of espionage and intrigue (although there may be an odd twist or two tossed in at points). It is, at its core, an action adventure flick based around a toy line. In that respect, it does a decent enough job with storytelling.
That isn't to say that there aren't problems with the story. There are plot holes that you could drive a Mack truck through, and the only way you can truly enjoy the film is if you're capable of shutting off the part of your brain that asks sensible questions. Trying to wrap your head around why either team's base is built the way it is, for example, will melt your mind into pudding.
But to its credit, there does appear to be some work done to keep the story gelled. Some items are contrived, but they are at least contrived in a way that keeps the story elements together. There are points where both the hero and villain teams meet with partial success, and most of the primary characters have at least a few moments where they step out of their cookie cutter molds and become more than just generic toy soldiers.
Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that no one character(s) truly stands out as an exceptional performance. Christopher Eccleston's performance as McCullen/Destro might have fit the bill if I wasn't constantly dragged under by his bonus deep accent. And while I wanted to like Tatum and his portrayal of Duke, I couldn't get past the notion of him being a "new" recruit, even if it was shown that he was an exceptional and experienced soldier. Dennis Quaid's Falcon was pretty solid, but lacked screen time (even if he actually had more scenes added to the film than he originally was supposed to... he was that good). And everyone else falls just above or below adequate.
I will note, though, that despite some people's apprehension, Marlon Wayans does put in a solid performance as Ripcord. Sure, he does get played for laughs at times, but you know going in that it was going to happen, and he still manages to give the character some heart. And despite being trapped in yet another masked/non-speaking role, Ray Park manages to breath life into Snake Eyes (who gets just enough action scenes in the film to satisfy any fan).
Aesthetically, the film... well, it is an action flick, right? Stuff blows up. It does get a bit effects crazy at times, but again (and let's beat this drum one more time) it's expected. There was a point where I started to wonder why they didn't just make the film completely in CGI for all the effects that were going on. And I swear, if I have to sit through one more shaky-cam action scene... We get it, Hollywood. Combat is chaotic. That doesn't mean that I want to have a seizure while watching one.
And speaking of the fighting... yikes. I remember saying that the violence level of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was disturbingly high, and while this film may do a little better, there are still some rather rough moments along the way. And not just a "no parachutes" kind of rough. The fact that a certain Joe seemed to have a preoccupation with headshots (even if the end results were conveniently masked most of the time) might be a little unsettling for the younger crowd.
All in all, you'll take from the film what you put into it. If you want to trash it and pick it apart, there is more than enough fodder for you to pick at. If you can sit around and enjoy a little mindless summer popcorn flick, then you could do worse than checking out GI Joe.
Overall Rating (out of 10): 5.5 (Just average, but it gets a slight bump for having to deal with being an origin flick.)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
When Revengance Goes Wrong...
Long time, no see, mi compadres.
I just figured I'd stop by and leave this commentary, since I posted it elsewhere concerning the item and I got long-winded to actually fit here.
Apparently what happened was some guy by the name of Ryan ran into comic artist Rob Liefeld at a convention, and decided to... "get his revenge". He recounts the details here. I hear people saying that this Ryan guy was genius or a hero, and that Rob somehow mishandled the situation, and to them and others, I say this:
This Ryan guy was an idiot. And to anyone saying that Rob handled it badly... what exactly was Rob supposed to do in that situation? Actually apologize? Confronting some guy that shows up and demands an apology for something you did over a decade ago as if you somehow personally injured him would only cause more of a scene. I don't know if a thanks and a nod off was the perfect way to go about it, but it certainly was non-aggressive and bordering on polite.
But instead of letting it go at that, Ryan decides, "Hey, let's be more of a douche than we were before," and gives Rob a "gift". Note that despite what he claims Rob's reaction was, Rob appears to be relatively unaffected in the short clip he posted. If anything, I'd imagine he might be slightly concerned that some passive-aggressive geek loser was going to stalk him for the rest of the day. Which honestly, Rob doesn't deserve.
I feel horrible siding with Rob on this one, but there's really no reason to do something like this to someone. Especially when it's less about you being an injured party and more about trying to harass an artist that was paid to do a job and did it (whether or not it was liked). I don't mind someone being critical of an artist/writer, but no one put a gun to anyone's head and forced them to buy Rob's work.
But I do fault Rob for one thing. He didn't manage to go the extra step I would have and laugh at the situation. Because really, how much more deflated would that attempt have been if he and whoever it was at the table with him just shared a short laugh over someone wasting that much time and effort and then went right on back to earning a paycheck?
I just figured I'd stop by and leave this commentary, since I posted it elsewhere concerning the item and I got long-winded to actually fit here.
Apparently what happened was some guy by the name of Ryan ran into comic artist Rob Liefeld at a convention, and decided to... "get his revenge". He recounts the details here. I hear people saying that this Ryan guy was genius or a hero, and that Rob somehow mishandled the situation, and to them and others, I say this:
This Ryan guy was an idiot. And to anyone saying that Rob handled it badly... what exactly was Rob supposed to do in that situation? Actually apologize? Confronting some guy that shows up and demands an apology for something you did over a decade ago as if you somehow personally injured him would only cause more of a scene. I don't know if a thanks and a nod off was the perfect way to go about it, but it certainly was non-aggressive and bordering on polite.
But instead of letting it go at that, Ryan decides, "Hey, let's be more of a douche than we were before," and gives Rob a "gift". Note that despite what he claims Rob's reaction was, Rob appears to be relatively unaffected in the short clip he posted. If anything, I'd imagine he might be slightly concerned that some passive-aggressive geek loser was going to stalk him for the rest of the day. Which honestly, Rob doesn't deserve.
I feel horrible siding with Rob on this one, but there's really no reason to do something like this to someone. Especially when it's less about you being an injured party and more about trying to harass an artist that was paid to do a job and did it (whether or not it was liked). I don't mind someone being critical of an artist/writer, but no one put a gun to anyone's head and forced them to buy Rob's work.
But I do fault Rob for one thing. He didn't manage to go the extra step I would have and laugh at the situation. Because really, how much more deflated would that attempt have been if he and whoever it was at the table with him just shared a short laugh over someone wasting that much time and effort and then went right on back to earning a paycheck?
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Some Minor HouseKeeping
Minus all that soup stuff that my bud Ivan talks about. Mainly because he took the only can of soup that I'd use...
So the blog has gone a bit... absent the past week or so. I've been working on stuff, for reals. Granted, I've mostly been working, but I've done some writing, too. In fact, I'm working on a series of short works/observations that I'm tentatively calling "Words of Impact".
It's a closer look at a few words that we may tend to overlook or take for granted at times. I guess my "Perspective" essay could be considered the opening volley of that exchange. I have a handful more that I'm working on, but I still need more time to refine them, lest they all end up sounding like they're just me babbling about same thing over and over again. And nobody wants to be Bill Cathcart.
Oh, snap! WTO-see you later, dawg! handle that burn.
Anyways, expect to see those in some way shape or form starting this weekend. I hope. One can never tell for certain.
So the blog has gone a bit... absent the past week or so. I've been working on stuff, for reals. Granted, I've mostly been working, but I've done some writing, too. In fact, I'm working on a series of short works/observations that I'm tentatively calling "Words of Impact".
It's a closer look at a few words that we may tend to overlook or take for granted at times. I guess my "Perspective" essay could be considered the opening volley of that exchange. I have a handful more that I'm working on, but I still need more time to refine them, lest they all end up sounding like they're just me babbling about same thing over and over again. And nobody wants to be Bill Cathcart.
Oh, snap! WTO-see you later, dawg! handle that burn.
Anyways, expect to see those in some way shape or form starting this weekend. I hope. One can never tell for certain.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Abstract Thought of the Day
I had a dream last week that some odd woman told me that she couldn't share her face with me because I wouldn't open my heart. Then I told her that she seemed like a cool enough lady, but I had no idea what on earth she was talking about. Then she went into a corner and cried, and all of our other roommates started yelling at me for being insensitive while I tried to explain that I was just being honest and didn't anything by it.
And the weird thing is that I haven't watched any Real World in almost a year.
And the weird thing is that I haven't watched any Real World in almost a year.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Revisionist History: Part 2c
(The final chapter, wherein we actually go back to earlier in the story to see how Edith and Lake socialize and interact. They're really the best of friends, they are. Here in one of the opening stanzas, we get a look into the inner workings of what a clan meeting for the city's Hunter's Guild looks like. Although arguably, you probably wouldn't call this meeting typical...)
“Abernathy.”
“Here.”
“Anderson.”
“Here.”
“Andrews.”
“Present.”
Roll call. Arguably one of the single most annoying periods of time in the history of creation. It begins at childhood, and proceeds to be a nuisance until death. Or at least that’s how some would view it.
“Barnard.”
“Here.”
“Laraby.”
“Yeah, I’m here...”
“Kendricks”
“Here.”
“Montayo.”
“Uh, he’s dead.”
“Really. Cripes, that’s a shame. I already wired his pay for this week. That’s gonna be a pain to get recalled.” Edith Fortunado was always the first to display her own special brand of sympathy. If she remembered, she’d probably use part of the recalled wages to send a wreath or something else fitting. Roll call continued for the ragged bunch, missing names being skipped over and recalled again until the wary midget of a woman just couldn’t stand to do it anymore. “Aw, screw ‘em. Let’s get the meeting started. Any old business to resolve?”
Barnard was always the first to chime in like the teacher’s pet he most assuredly must have been throughout most of his life. He caught himself just short of raising his hand for attention before coughing it up, “Well, Montayo had that one thing you were supposed to look into, but uh ... well, he isn’t here.” His shoulders bobbed in a brief shrug before glancing back over his contact sheet.
Edith gritted her teeth at the smattering of murmurs and chuckles that protruded from the crew. If nothing else, she hated the lack of order that always presented itself during these meetings. Heck, she hated the meetings altogether. But they were a necessary evil if she wanted to keep the guild in a state that remotely resembled solvent. Not that she always cared about that, but like most people she appreciated when the lights and appliances worked. Edith waved a hand dismissively. “All right, pipe down you yahoos. Anything else?”
She took the momentary lapse of comments as reason enough to move on. “Okay, then. We can move on to new business. We’ve had a drop in our capture rate over the past quarter. This coincides, surprisingly enough, with an increase in our hunter injuries and fatalities. I don’t have to explain this to any of you, do I? Now I know there have been things going on in the guild, and far be it from me to get bent out of shape by a few of you bums getting put into the ground, but it’s affecting business. The bottom line is the bottom line, and right now we’re leaning more towards red no matter how you look at it.”
Edith gave her small play on words time to hit some of the slower witted members over the head a few times before continuing. “The important thing to remember is to be careful. I know half the city thinks that we’re expendable, but we are actually providing a service here. Contrary to popular belief, if we don’t do our jobs right, the city does suffer. But enough with the pep talk…” The woman had to resist the urge to smirk at the notion before continuing, “On to other business. We have a walkabout today.”
The statement drew more attention than any other one in the morning had. Just about every head in the assemblage perked up and directed its attention to the front. Even a few of the sleeping folks snapped awake at the word. It had been a while since there had been a walkabout in the guild. It had been long enough that some people had never encountered one in their entire career. For anyone familiar with the process, there was the usual mix of emotions flowing through the room. There was the standard order of idle curiosity. There was a sprinkle of novelty. But mostly, there was the fear. The horrible, all enclosing fear of the words that would next be spoken.
“I need a volunteer.” Edith timed the comment for the appropriate mix of drama and amusement. The amusement was mostly hers, of course, but there were a handful of people masochistic enough to find potential joy in the outcome. She brushed her hand in a dismissive fashion. “Aw, don’t cry, ya bunch of babies! I’m not stupid enough to expect any of you putzes to actually volunteer. In fact, I’ve come up with a method that’s more than fair. I think I’ll just consider the lucky victim to be the next person to walk through the door. Yep, that’ll do it. The very next person to walk through that door will be our lucky volunteer.”
There was a certain anticipation in her proclamation that had eluded some of the guild, but like a wave the realization of what was happening was starting to become apparent. A low-based murmuring linked itself to a pattern of individuals checking the clock that hung over the door. Anyone that checked saw that it was clearly twelve minutes after their meeting start time. Anyone with even a trace of sense knew that it was Wednesday. And everyone that knew a certain individual knew that by some manner of habit or heavenly decree, a certain member of their guild almost certainly showed up exactly thirteen minutes late for any Wednesday meeting. So it was with great revelry and a modicum of satisfaction that the group welcomed its tardy compatriot into the room.
Lake O’Bannon strolled into the room in matter of fact fashion. Neither his demeanor nor his appearance would indicate that he was in any rush to get inside. On the contrary, nothing that Lake did gave faintest hint that he was on the verge of either sneaking to his seat or apologizing for being late. It had already been well established that the time that Lake reported in on Wednesday was pretty much his own prerogative.
The popular theory was that Lake had some mystery rendezvous on Tuesday nights that kept him preoccupied, but his general lack of a good mood on Wednesday precluded them from associating him with the usual pleasantries that a “secret rendezvous” would entail. Others carried the popular theory that Lake had some early morning regimen on Wednesday that made him late, but again there were no outward signs that he was exhausted from workout, peaceful from meditation, or (as previously mentioned) in a pleasant mood from any other unsavory activity. A few guild members had bothered to attempt to track him on Wednesday morning to see just what the deal was. The few that remained intact long enough to report to anyone else brought the dismal news that Lake was late simply because he was, and it seemed to just be a matter of fate conspiring to make sure he was never on time on Wednesday. Whatever the reason, today it was bound to provide some much needed entertainment for the meeting.
Lake paused after entering the doorway, adjusting the cuff of his leather jacket as he mumbled something best left incoherent under his breath. It took him a handful of seconds to notice that something was out of sorts… more out of sorts than usual in the group. Too many people seemed pleased to see him. He had found in general practice that too many people happy to see him was rarely a good thing.
“Mr. O’Bannon. So lovely to see you today. And at such an appropriate time, too. “ Edith Fortunado grinned an impish smile that her lack of stature made appear even more so. A few of the guild members reflected the same mock enthusiasm that Edith did, and that was when Lake truly grasped how screwed he was.
Lake let a short huff of air slip out of his lips before starting his query. “What? Am I getting docked? Am I getting written up for that ganger I cracked last week? Am I getting docked for cracking that ganger last week? Am I getting cracked for docking that ganger last week?”
The room hung in silence for the reply of their leader. They knew this was just the opening volley in a classic exchange. Edith debated letting the noose tighten a little more before the big reveal, but decided that there was really no reason to drag it out too far. Besides, all of this pleasantry was wearing on her own nerves. Edith propped a hand against her podium. “I was just informing everyone about the walkabout we just acquired.”
Lake fought back a grimace at the mention of the word, a successful effort that he managed to bend into a small smirk. “Walkabout, huh? Haven’t we got enough crap floating around here without one of those making it worse?” Lake had absolutely no qualms about tossing a general insult out in a room of what should be his allies. Heaven knows they would be more than willing to do the same should the opportunity arise. Still, the comment seemed to raise the dander of at least a few of the assembled, many of whom showed their disapproval by shifting in their seats and glaring.
Edith coughed out a monosyllable of disapproval to the question. “Could be.” Edith had the same lack of regard as Lake did in the matter, but at least she had the pull to not be worried about reprisals, “But for better or worse, we’ve got one. And now that I have a volunteer for walkabout duty, I don’t have to worry about it all that much.
“Volunteer?” Lake’s smirk gathered a hint of actual amusement. “What poor fool would be insane enough to volunteer for walkabout du…” It was about that time that he managed to piece it all together. The pleasantries, the general joy he seemed to be bringing part of the room, the fact that he hadn’t been docked yet… there had to be a payoff somewhere for Edith, and there it was. His entire demeanor shifted to one of annoyance. “Oh, no. No, no, no. You are not shackling me with one of those... things for the week. I did my time two years ago and I was done. Find some other sucker with a death wish to do your dirty work for you.”
Edith’s tone took an abrupt shift of its own, “Now you wait just a minute! You think fair play applies in all guild matters? The truth is this has been coming for a long time. Breaking rules, not following protocols, damage tallies way beyond your class level allowance… and every time I try to call you on it, you have some half-cocked excuse or some convenient break of fortune that keeps my hands tied. You’ve slipped through more loopholes and backdoors than I can count, but not today, bucko! I’ve been waiting to screw you over for a long time now, and now you're gonna get what’s coming to you!”
For a brief moment, Lake seemed genuinely taken aback by Edith’s diatribe. His left eyebrow arched upward as he perused his employer’s face. His lips parted calmly as he carefully sorted out his response.
“Say… are you coming on to me?”
The smattering of chuckles from the audience was more than enough to break the tension for most of them. Some of the guild had gotten a bit restless in the brief pause that preceded Lake’s comment. A few foolish souls actually dared to assume it possible that Lake was honestly repentant and on the verge of apologizing for his past actions. They were more than pleased to see that that was not the case.
Edith Fortunado, on the other hand, was anything but amused. Her face began to flare an almost trademark shade of red, and it was abundantly clear to any of the guild members who had seen it occur before that it was not a blush of embarrassment.
“Do you think…” Edith fought to maintain anything that resembled civility as her temper railed against her better judgment, “… for one second… that I would ever… within the confines of my mind… “ Edith pointed towards Barnard, who flinched at the motion despite the lack of flames shooting from her fingertip, “… his mind… or within the very depths of hell itself even remotely consider coming onto you? In what bizarre freakshow of a world does my utter contempt and rage for you possibly translate into anything that even resembles attraction? You… you… you’re lucky I don’t leap off of here and throttle the life out you with my bare hands!” Her body began to slowly tremble, making some fear that she might actually leap from her podium in some kind of suicidal plunge at her contemptuous employee.
Lake, for his part, seemed unfazed by this new found rage. In fact his own demeanor had improved a good deal, though an apt observer could clearly see that he was by no means happy. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he mused aloud to no one in particular, “Well, I can’t say where it came from, exactly. It was just the wording there. ‘Half-cocked,’ ‘loophole,’ ‘backdoor.’ You know in some circles, even the word 'throttle'…”
Edith banged her fist on the top of her podium and pointed an aged finger at Lake. “All right! Not another word out of you! You’re taking the walkabout, and so help me if I hear anything other than rave reviews about your behavior, I'll bounce you out of here on your smug little backside!”
Lake clearly had something else to say on the matter, but he remained silent. Of his many social skills, the ability to know just how far he could push someone before he had crossed the point of no return was probably the most finely honed. It was clear he didn’t love this particular turn of events, but it was also clear that short of getting himself removed from the guild there wasn’t much else he could do to get out of this. With a certain sense of resignation, he turned and headed back towards the door he had so recently entered.
“And just where do you think you’re going, hot shot?” Edith queried to his back.
Lake didn’t bother to turn around, stopping as he reached the door. “In accordance with Article 4, Paragraph 8 of the Provisional Guild Agreement with the Free States, any member enacted into volunteer duty with a walkabout may, at their discretion, forgo standard guild protocols when interacting with said walkabout. Pursuant with this, I’m enacting a special preparatory meeting to prepare for said walkabout. This meeting, coincidentally enough, will force me to miss the rest of this one. Sorry for the inconvenience.”
As the door shut with Lake on the opposite side of it, Edith Fortunado quietly grinded her teeth together. “I am so docking him for cracking that ganger last week…”
...
(Now the one thing that occurs to me as I reviewed this was a rather obvious error I made in the storytelling. Because this is supposed to be the first time that you meet either Edith or Lake, and neither is particularly described in detail. That's a terrible throwback to the fact that I just didn't care about that particular detail when I started writing.
In fact, one of the things I have a bad habit of being deficient about is writing character and location details. If I'm not in the proper zone, I tend to skim over them and revisit them later, focusing more on advancing the story. But both do get described in more detail later, so I suppose I should just go back and drop some in here.)
“Abernathy.”
“Here.”
“Anderson.”
“Here.”
“Andrews.”
“Present.”
Roll call. Arguably one of the single most annoying periods of time in the history of creation. It begins at childhood, and proceeds to be a nuisance until death. Or at least that’s how some would view it.
“Barnard.”
“Here.”
“Laraby.”
“Yeah, I’m here...”
“Kendricks”
“Here.”
“Montayo.”
“Uh, he’s dead.”
“Really. Cripes, that’s a shame. I already wired his pay for this week. That’s gonna be a pain to get recalled.” Edith Fortunado was always the first to display her own special brand of sympathy. If she remembered, she’d probably use part of the recalled wages to send a wreath or something else fitting. Roll call continued for the ragged bunch, missing names being skipped over and recalled again until the wary midget of a woman just couldn’t stand to do it anymore. “Aw, screw ‘em. Let’s get the meeting started. Any old business to resolve?”
Barnard was always the first to chime in like the teacher’s pet he most assuredly must have been throughout most of his life. He caught himself just short of raising his hand for attention before coughing it up, “Well, Montayo had that one thing you were supposed to look into, but uh ... well, he isn’t here.” His shoulders bobbed in a brief shrug before glancing back over his contact sheet.
Edith gritted her teeth at the smattering of murmurs and chuckles that protruded from the crew. If nothing else, she hated the lack of order that always presented itself during these meetings. Heck, she hated the meetings altogether. But they were a necessary evil if she wanted to keep the guild in a state that remotely resembled solvent. Not that she always cared about that, but like most people she appreciated when the lights and appliances worked. Edith waved a hand dismissively. “All right, pipe down you yahoos. Anything else?”
She took the momentary lapse of comments as reason enough to move on. “Okay, then. We can move on to new business. We’ve had a drop in our capture rate over the past quarter. This coincides, surprisingly enough, with an increase in our hunter injuries and fatalities. I don’t have to explain this to any of you, do I? Now I know there have been things going on in the guild, and far be it from me to get bent out of shape by a few of you bums getting put into the ground, but it’s affecting business. The bottom line is the bottom line, and right now we’re leaning more towards red no matter how you look at it.”
Edith gave her small play on words time to hit some of the slower witted members over the head a few times before continuing. “The important thing to remember is to be careful. I know half the city thinks that we’re expendable, but we are actually providing a service here. Contrary to popular belief, if we don’t do our jobs right, the city does suffer. But enough with the pep talk…” The woman had to resist the urge to smirk at the notion before continuing, “On to other business. We have a walkabout today.”
The statement drew more attention than any other one in the morning had. Just about every head in the assemblage perked up and directed its attention to the front. Even a few of the sleeping folks snapped awake at the word. It had been a while since there had been a walkabout in the guild. It had been long enough that some people had never encountered one in their entire career. For anyone familiar with the process, there was the usual mix of emotions flowing through the room. There was the standard order of idle curiosity. There was a sprinkle of novelty. But mostly, there was the fear. The horrible, all enclosing fear of the words that would next be spoken.
“I need a volunteer.” Edith timed the comment for the appropriate mix of drama and amusement. The amusement was mostly hers, of course, but there were a handful of people masochistic enough to find potential joy in the outcome. She brushed her hand in a dismissive fashion. “Aw, don’t cry, ya bunch of babies! I’m not stupid enough to expect any of you putzes to actually volunteer. In fact, I’ve come up with a method that’s more than fair. I think I’ll just consider the lucky victim to be the next person to walk through the door. Yep, that’ll do it. The very next person to walk through that door will be our lucky volunteer.”
There was a certain anticipation in her proclamation that had eluded some of the guild, but like a wave the realization of what was happening was starting to become apparent. A low-based murmuring linked itself to a pattern of individuals checking the clock that hung over the door. Anyone that checked saw that it was clearly twelve minutes after their meeting start time. Anyone with even a trace of sense knew that it was Wednesday. And everyone that knew a certain individual knew that by some manner of habit or heavenly decree, a certain member of their guild almost certainly showed up exactly thirteen minutes late for any Wednesday meeting. So it was with great revelry and a modicum of satisfaction that the group welcomed its tardy compatriot into the room.
Lake O’Bannon strolled into the room in matter of fact fashion. Neither his demeanor nor his appearance would indicate that he was in any rush to get inside. On the contrary, nothing that Lake did gave faintest hint that he was on the verge of either sneaking to his seat or apologizing for being late. It had already been well established that the time that Lake reported in on Wednesday was pretty much his own prerogative.
The popular theory was that Lake had some mystery rendezvous on Tuesday nights that kept him preoccupied, but his general lack of a good mood on Wednesday precluded them from associating him with the usual pleasantries that a “secret rendezvous” would entail. Others carried the popular theory that Lake had some early morning regimen on Wednesday that made him late, but again there were no outward signs that he was exhausted from workout, peaceful from meditation, or (as previously mentioned) in a pleasant mood from any other unsavory activity. A few guild members had bothered to attempt to track him on Wednesday morning to see just what the deal was. The few that remained intact long enough to report to anyone else brought the dismal news that Lake was late simply because he was, and it seemed to just be a matter of fate conspiring to make sure he was never on time on Wednesday. Whatever the reason, today it was bound to provide some much needed entertainment for the meeting.
Lake paused after entering the doorway, adjusting the cuff of his leather jacket as he mumbled something best left incoherent under his breath. It took him a handful of seconds to notice that something was out of sorts… more out of sorts than usual in the group. Too many people seemed pleased to see him. He had found in general practice that too many people happy to see him was rarely a good thing.
“Mr. O’Bannon. So lovely to see you today. And at such an appropriate time, too. “ Edith Fortunado grinned an impish smile that her lack of stature made appear even more so. A few of the guild members reflected the same mock enthusiasm that Edith did, and that was when Lake truly grasped how screwed he was.
Lake let a short huff of air slip out of his lips before starting his query. “What? Am I getting docked? Am I getting written up for that ganger I cracked last week? Am I getting docked for cracking that ganger last week? Am I getting cracked for docking that ganger last week?”
The room hung in silence for the reply of their leader. They knew this was just the opening volley in a classic exchange. Edith debated letting the noose tighten a little more before the big reveal, but decided that there was really no reason to drag it out too far. Besides, all of this pleasantry was wearing on her own nerves. Edith propped a hand against her podium. “I was just informing everyone about the walkabout we just acquired.”
Lake fought back a grimace at the mention of the word, a successful effort that he managed to bend into a small smirk. “Walkabout, huh? Haven’t we got enough crap floating around here without one of those making it worse?” Lake had absolutely no qualms about tossing a general insult out in a room of what should be his allies. Heaven knows they would be more than willing to do the same should the opportunity arise. Still, the comment seemed to raise the dander of at least a few of the assembled, many of whom showed their disapproval by shifting in their seats and glaring.
Edith coughed out a monosyllable of disapproval to the question. “Could be.” Edith had the same lack of regard as Lake did in the matter, but at least she had the pull to not be worried about reprisals, “But for better or worse, we’ve got one. And now that I have a volunteer for walkabout duty, I don’t have to worry about it all that much.
“Volunteer?” Lake’s smirk gathered a hint of actual amusement. “What poor fool would be insane enough to volunteer for walkabout du…” It was about that time that he managed to piece it all together. The pleasantries, the general joy he seemed to be bringing part of the room, the fact that he hadn’t been docked yet… there had to be a payoff somewhere for Edith, and there it was. His entire demeanor shifted to one of annoyance. “Oh, no. No, no, no. You are not shackling me with one of those... things for the week. I did my time two years ago and I was done. Find some other sucker with a death wish to do your dirty work for you.”
Edith’s tone took an abrupt shift of its own, “Now you wait just a minute! You think fair play applies in all guild matters? The truth is this has been coming for a long time. Breaking rules, not following protocols, damage tallies way beyond your class level allowance… and every time I try to call you on it, you have some half-cocked excuse or some convenient break of fortune that keeps my hands tied. You’ve slipped through more loopholes and backdoors than I can count, but not today, bucko! I’ve been waiting to screw you over for a long time now, and now you're gonna get what’s coming to you!”
For a brief moment, Lake seemed genuinely taken aback by Edith’s diatribe. His left eyebrow arched upward as he perused his employer’s face. His lips parted calmly as he carefully sorted out his response.
“Say… are you coming on to me?”
The smattering of chuckles from the audience was more than enough to break the tension for most of them. Some of the guild had gotten a bit restless in the brief pause that preceded Lake’s comment. A few foolish souls actually dared to assume it possible that Lake was honestly repentant and on the verge of apologizing for his past actions. They were more than pleased to see that that was not the case.
Edith Fortunado, on the other hand, was anything but amused. Her face began to flare an almost trademark shade of red, and it was abundantly clear to any of the guild members who had seen it occur before that it was not a blush of embarrassment.
“Do you think…” Edith fought to maintain anything that resembled civility as her temper railed against her better judgment, “… for one second… that I would ever… within the confines of my mind… “ Edith pointed towards Barnard, who flinched at the motion despite the lack of flames shooting from her fingertip, “… his mind… or within the very depths of hell itself even remotely consider coming onto you? In what bizarre freakshow of a world does my utter contempt and rage for you possibly translate into anything that even resembles attraction? You… you… you’re lucky I don’t leap off of here and throttle the life out you with my bare hands!” Her body began to slowly tremble, making some fear that she might actually leap from her podium in some kind of suicidal plunge at her contemptuous employee.
Lake, for his part, seemed unfazed by this new found rage. In fact his own demeanor had improved a good deal, though an apt observer could clearly see that he was by no means happy. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he mused aloud to no one in particular, “Well, I can’t say where it came from, exactly. It was just the wording there. ‘Half-cocked,’ ‘loophole,’ ‘backdoor.’ You know in some circles, even the word 'throttle'…”
Edith banged her fist on the top of her podium and pointed an aged finger at Lake. “All right! Not another word out of you! You’re taking the walkabout, and so help me if I hear anything other than rave reviews about your behavior, I'll bounce you out of here on your smug little backside!”
Lake clearly had something else to say on the matter, but he remained silent. Of his many social skills, the ability to know just how far he could push someone before he had crossed the point of no return was probably the most finely honed. It was clear he didn’t love this particular turn of events, but it was also clear that short of getting himself removed from the guild there wasn’t much else he could do to get out of this. With a certain sense of resignation, he turned and headed back towards the door he had so recently entered.
“And just where do you think you’re going, hot shot?” Edith queried to his back.
Lake didn’t bother to turn around, stopping as he reached the door. “In accordance with Article 4, Paragraph 8 of the Provisional Guild Agreement with the Free States, any member enacted into volunteer duty with a walkabout may, at their discretion, forgo standard guild protocols when interacting with said walkabout. Pursuant with this, I’m enacting a special preparatory meeting to prepare for said walkabout. This meeting, coincidentally enough, will force me to miss the rest of this one. Sorry for the inconvenience.”
As the door shut with Lake on the opposite side of it, Edith Fortunado quietly grinded her teeth together. “I am so docking him for cracking that ganger last week…”
...
(Now the one thing that occurs to me as I reviewed this was a rather obvious error I made in the storytelling. Because this is supposed to be the first time that you meet either Edith or Lake, and neither is particularly described in detail. That's a terrible throwback to the fact that I just didn't care about that particular detail when I started writing.
In fact, one of the things I have a bad habit of being deficient about is writing character and location details. If I'm not in the proper zone, I tend to skim over them and revisit them later, focusing more on advancing the story. But both do get described in more detail later, so I suppose I should just go back and drop some in here.)
Saturday, July 25, 2009
First Look: Wolverine and Iron Man Anime Trailers
So finally we get some sweet trailers for Madhouse's upcoming Marvel Comics based anime projects. And they're... well, interesting is the word I'm going to go with.
Wolverine is definitely getting some interesting treatment here...
Iron Man seems to be more in line with the hero we know and love, even if it's not clear what the heck is going on here...
But as always, I'll say that I'm facing both projects with "guarded optimism." They are a good year away, after all, and until we see the complete project, I'd be hard pressed to call either one a failure just yet.
Wolverine is definitely getting some interesting treatment here...
Iron Man seems to be more in line with the hero we know and love, even if it's not clear what the heck is going on here...
But as always, I'll say that I'm facing both projects with "guarded optimism." They are a good year away, after all, and until we see the complete project, I'd be hard pressed to call either one a failure just yet.
Revisionist History: Part 2b
(This is the second part of an excerpt of the major huge deal writing project I took on last year. I went back to edit it, but was surprised at how solid the thing was untouched. I still touched it up a bit, though. When we last left our fateful pair, youthful Hunter newbie Dani Brightstar was taking a measure of abuse at the hands of clan sponsor Edith Fortunado. Of course, we have yet to hear Dani's side of things...)
"Mrs. Fortunado," Danielle tried to give her response a tone of civility. "I come from a long line of tribal people. I don't expect many people that live outside of that world to understand what it's like, and I'm sure that given your last comment you certainly wouldn’t fall into the category of the understanding type..."
"Now wait..." Edith started, but was stopped short by a brief hand raised by the still speaking Danielle.
"But what I would expect you to understand," Danielle continued, "Is that in that place, among my people, we have a certain set of beliefs. And among those is the belief that you're chosen for a task, but not necessarily the task that you choose. Now, I'm hardly the first one to say that I believe each and every thing that has been taught to me over the years..." She paused for a brief moment of self-reflection before continuing, "But I certainly do believe that the task that I was given was to come here and attempt to help out to the best of my ability. Frankly, if you didn't think it was at least worth the time to have me here, you could've refused my request like many others did."
"Hmmph..." Edith puffed on her tiny cigar, which now had become all but a useless flickering stub. If she was offended by the last part of Danielle's comment, she didn't show it. Instead, she just spat the nub of half dead leaves in her mouth into the trash can next to her desk and smiled. "Fair enough, lady." She leaned forward into her seat again, the elevated chair creaking slightly as she pressed her weight against the edge of the desk. "Now then, as far as your 'mentor' goes..."
The moment of relief that Danielle had was short lived. She had half expected to be tossed out of the office after the little speech she had made, but even after having gotten away with that, she was about to hear about her least favorite subject of the time. Unfortunately, there wasn't really much she could say about the man. The little that she knew about him had already been covered. He was a bit odd, and he had apparently ditched her. Despite her best efforts, she couldn't help but frown at the mention of him.
Edith noted the frown and responded with a short, gruff smirk of her own. "Listen, I'm not going to lie to you. Lake O'Bannon... well, the guy's not the cheeriest of sorts. And he's kind of rude at times. And inconsiderate. And he's just as likely to blow your head off as he is to shake your hand some days. And I realize that I'm not making much of a pitch for him right now, but hear me out....
"There's really only two things you need to know about Lake O'Bannon. The first thing is that it's all an act. The rudeness, the not seeming to care who lives or dies... It's all just a big show he puts on so he won't be bothered as much. Somewhere along the way, he figured out that that's how he can get by in life, so that's what he does. Deep down, he's really just a sensitive guy that wants to do the right thing. I know what I told the other guys, but I wouldn't have put you with him if I didn't think he would give you a fair shake."
"Some fair shake..." Danielle mumbled.
Edith smiled again. "Well, see... that's just the thing. You hang around him long enough, and you'll start to understand how he thinks. For example, he acts like he doesn't care about his job, but that doesn't mean that he'd go out of his way to do something that would get him fired. Especially when he could just half-step it and get away with it."
Danielle blinked. "I don't get what you mean."
Edith sighed softly. "Take this little 'test' he's giving you. He called it a 'test', didn't he?" She took Danielle's nod as confirmation and continued, "Now see, he probably laid out what seemed like an impossible task for you, but he knows full well that I'd chew him to pieces if he really did that, so he's probably already got an out. So no matter how impossible whatever he gave you to do might sound, they'll be some way to accomplish it."
Danielle went over it again in her head, thinking aloud, "I don't really think so. I mean, all he said was I had to find him in three hours..."
"Three hours? That's all he said?"
"Yeah, three hours. He said that I had three hours to find him, or else..." Danielle stopped as a thought slowly started to slip into her head. "That's not... that's not all he said."
"It's not, is it?"
"No. He said that pass or fail, I should meet him at Celestial Park at noon. In the food court." Danielle still felt like she was forgetting something, but she also felt like she was right on the verge of figuring something out.
Edith glanced at the ceiling for a second, then smirked as she leaned back in her chair. "I think this might be the most retarded thing he's ever pulled." She paused for moment to glance towards Danielle and offer, "No offense to you, mind you. I might have fallen for it, too, if I didn't have on a watch..."
"A watch..." Danielle parroted. It hadn't even occurred to her before that she wasn't wearing a timepiece. It wasn't the kind of thing that she'd find terribly useful with her tribe, and it hadn't occurred to her to purchase one before she got into town. Come to think of it, she hadn't really concerned herself with time at all until she was given a deadline by... Her face flushed as the last bit of realization sank it.
"Ah," Edith moaned. "I think you get it now, don't you?"
"I didn't even think about it... I never would have thought about it..." Danielle stammered. It hadn't once occurred to her to think about what time it was since she went past the checkpoint at the gate. Once the meeting location got moved to the Gold Harpy, she hadn't worried about being on time. And she had spent so much time running around and checking to see where Lake might have gone off to after he disappeared that by the time she thought to check on the time, it had been a good 10-15 minutes, at least. "Nine twenty..." She mumbled, almost to herself.
"What's that?" Edith asked, seeming to have a good idea of the answer already.
"All the running around I did... it was 9:20 before I checked what time it was. But I couldn't have been looking for more than 15 minutes or so..."
Edith chuckled. "If I had to guess, knowing the man like I do, he disappeared around 9:02."
"9:02..." Danielle repeated again. Which meant, she finally realized, that Lake never had any intention of her being able to find him. As ridiculous as it sounded, he had set the stage so that his "test" would end at 12:02, exactly two minutes after noon. If she had been paying attention, and if she had been patient, it would have occurred to her that all she had to do was meet him at the food court on time and she would "pass". Danielle stared at the floor as she mumbled, "But that's... that's just..."
"Crazy?" Edith shook her head. "Yeah, pretty much. But it's the kind of crap I'd expect from him. He's probably been there the whole time. If you quit, and I made a big fuss about it, he'd just point out how you could have figured it out if you had thought about it. Or if you had even had the guts to face him at the food court." She clucked her tongue a few times before adding, "Of course, the decision is yours now."
"Decision?"
"Yeah. Decision." Edith was the parrot this time. "You've managed to figure out what he was up to, but it's still up to you to figure out what to do about it. It's not like he can actually fail you over a lame stunt like this, but he is one of the people assigned to assess you. It’s probably in your best interest to show up at the food court on time. Assuming, that is, that you weren't just blowing smoke up my ass with all of that 'task I was given' crap before."
Danielle pressed her leg against the edge of her staff. If it hadn't before, it was bound to leave an impression when she finally went to stand up. She truly had meant every word she had said to Edith earlier. Danielle had her reasons for being here, and it wasn't part of her plan at all to give up. She could imagine that someone would look at her and think that she wasn't cut out for the job, but that didn't necessarily mean that she shouldn't do it. On top of that, she had felt more reassured than discouraged by the conversation she had here. She wasn't sure that was what Edith intended, but it made her feel better all the same.
"Yeah," Danielle said. "Yeah, I think I'll go there."
"Good," Edith replied. "Good for you. Now, you better haul butt over there. You don't have a lot of time to make it."
Danielle glanced at the clock on the wall, noting that there were roughly fifteen minutes left before noon. "Right," she uttered as she stood up and picked up her staff. She smiled and nodded politely as she turned to walk out of the room. She opened the door, then paused and turned back towards Edith. "What was the other thing?"
Edith, who had started to relax a hair as Danielle was leaving, perked up her eyebrows. "Huh? What that?"
Danielle turned on a heel so that she could better face Edith at the doorway. "You said before that there were two things I needed to know about Lake O'Bannon. The first was that the whole insensitive thing as an act. What's the second thing?"
"Oh, that." Edith smiled. "The second thing you need to know about Lake O'Bannon... is that he's a very good actor."
Danielle found herself inexplicably smiling after the comment. She turned to head out of the door.
"Brightstar?"
"Yes."
"Do yourself a favor and buy a watch, will ya?"
"Right. Right. Thanks."
...
(One of the things that I wanted to establish after having Dani take the brunt of first Lake's attitude, then Edith's is that Dani isn't exactly a pushover. Yes, her inclination is to approach new things timidly, but she's more than willing to stand her ground when need be. It doesn't hurt that Edith pushed a specific set of hot buttons for Dani, which inclined Dani to snap back a little.
As for Lake's little "test"... sure, it's actually a stupid trick, but it's the kind of thing that I'd be inclined to do in a roleplaying session to see if anyone was paying attention to detail. Dani in this unfortunately represents a large chunk of roleplayers who so readily dive into a task or challenge that they ignore the relevant details.
In this case, though, Edith tosses Dani a clue. This is, quite possibly the nicest thing you will ever see Edith do. She not only steers Dani in the right direction, but gives her a little insight into the nature of would-be mentor Lake O'Bannon. Not that said insight will necessarily help her.
It should be noted, though, that I consider Edith's "two things" comment to be a quintessential definition of Lake's character. That I let Edith say it is a testament to how well she knows the man, despite the fact that she would never admit any of that to him in public.
Which brings us back to Lake. Despite my love for one of my creations, he did need to step back at points in time in this story. And even though it was supposed to be his story, Dani ends up taking most of the spotlight. The story just worked better that way. But that doesn't mean that I won't get back to him very shortly...)
"Mrs. Fortunado," Danielle tried to give her response a tone of civility. "I come from a long line of tribal people. I don't expect many people that live outside of that world to understand what it's like, and I'm sure that given your last comment you certainly wouldn’t fall into the category of the understanding type..."
"Now wait..." Edith started, but was stopped short by a brief hand raised by the still speaking Danielle.
"But what I would expect you to understand," Danielle continued, "Is that in that place, among my people, we have a certain set of beliefs. And among those is the belief that you're chosen for a task, but not necessarily the task that you choose. Now, I'm hardly the first one to say that I believe each and every thing that has been taught to me over the years..." She paused for a brief moment of self-reflection before continuing, "But I certainly do believe that the task that I was given was to come here and attempt to help out to the best of my ability. Frankly, if you didn't think it was at least worth the time to have me here, you could've refused my request like many others did."
"Hmmph..." Edith puffed on her tiny cigar, which now had become all but a useless flickering stub. If she was offended by the last part of Danielle's comment, she didn't show it. Instead, she just spat the nub of half dead leaves in her mouth into the trash can next to her desk and smiled. "Fair enough, lady." She leaned forward into her seat again, the elevated chair creaking slightly as she pressed her weight against the edge of the desk. "Now then, as far as your 'mentor' goes..."
The moment of relief that Danielle had was short lived. She had half expected to be tossed out of the office after the little speech she had made, but even after having gotten away with that, she was about to hear about her least favorite subject of the time. Unfortunately, there wasn't really much she could say about the man. The little that she knew about him had already been covered. He was a bit odd, and he had apparently ditched her. Despite her best efforts, she couldn't help but frown at the mention of him.
Edith noted the frown and responded with a short, gruff smirk of her own. "Listen, I'm not going to lie to you. Lake O'Bannon... well, the guy's not the cheeriest of sorts. And he's kind of rude at times. And inconsiderate. And he's just as likely to blow your head off as he is to shake your hand some days. And I realize that I'm not making much of a pitch for him right now, but hear me out....
"There's really only two things you need to know about Lake O'Bannon. The first thing is that it's all an act. The rudeness, the not seeming to care who lives or dies... It's all just a big show he puts on so he won't be bothered as much. Somewhere along the way, he figured out that that's how he can get by in life, so that's what he does. Deep down, he's really just a sensitive guy that wants to do the right thing. I know what I told the other guys, but I wouldn't have put you with him if I didn't think he would give you a fair shake."
"Some fair shake..." Danielle mumbled.
Edith smiled again. "Well, see... that's just the thing. You hang around him long enough, and you'll start to understand how he thinks. For example, he acts like he doesn't care about his job, but that doesn't mean that he'd go out of his way to do something that would get him fired. Especially when he could just half-step it and get away with it."
Danielle blinked. "I don't get what you mean."
Edith sighed softly. "Take this little 'test' he's giving you. He called it a 'test', didn't he?" She took Danielle's nod as confirmation and continued, "Now see, he probably laid out what seemed like an impossible task for you, but he knows full well that I'd chew him to pieces if he really did that, so he's probably already got an out. So no matter how impossible whatever he gave you to do might sound, they'll be some way to accomplish it."
Danielle went over it again in her head, thinking aloud, "I don't really think so. I mean, all he said was I had to find him in three hours..."
"Three hours? That's all he said?"
"Yeah, three hours. He said that I had three hours to find him, or else..." Danielle stopped as a thought slowly started to slip into her head. "That's not... that's not all he said."
"It's not, is it?"
"No. He said that pass or fail, I should meet him at Celestial Park at noon. In the food court." Danielle still felt like she was forgetting something, but she also felt like she was right on the verge of figuring something out.
Edith glanced at the ceiling for a second, then smirked as she leaned back in her chair. "I think this might be the most retarded thing he's ever pulled." She paused for moment to glance towards Danielle and offer, "No offense to you, mind you. I might have fallen for it, too, if I didn't have on a watch..."
"A watch..." Danielle parroted. It hadn't even occurred to her before that she wasn't wearing a timepiece. It wasn't the kind of thing that she'd find terribly useful with her tribe, and it hadn't occurred to her to purchase one before she got into town. Come to think of it, she hadn't really concerned herself with time at all until she was given a deadline by... Her face flushed as the last bit of realization sank it.
"Ah," Edith moaned. "I think you get it now, don't you?"
"I didn't even think about it... I never would have thought about it..." Danielle stammered. It hadn't once occurred to her to think about what time it was since she went past the checkpoint at the gate. Once the meeting location got moved to the Gold Harpy, she hadn't worried about being on time. And she had spent so much time running around and checking to see where Lake might have gone off to after he disappeared that by the time she thought to check on the time, it had been a good 10-15 minutes, at least. "Nine twenty..." She mumbled, almost to herself.
"What's that?" Edith asked, seeming to have a good idea of the answer already.
"All the running around I did... it was 9:20 before I checked what time it was. But I couldn't have been looking for more than 15 minutes or so..."
Edith chuckled. "If I had to guess, knowing the man like I do, he disappeared around 9:02."
"9:02..." Danielle repeated again. Which meant, she finally realized, that Lake never had any intention of her being able to find him. As ridiculous as it sounded, he had set the stage so that his "test" would end at 12:02, exactly two minutes after noon. If she had been paying attention, and if she had been patient, it would have occurred to her that all she had to do was meet him at the food court on time and she would "pass". Danielle stared at the floor as she mumbled, "But that's... that's just..."
"Crazy?" Edith shook her head. "Yeah, pretty much. But it's the kind of crap I'd expect from him. He's probably been there the whole time. If you quit, and I made a big fuss about it, he'd just point out how you could have figured it out if you had thought about it. Or if you had even had the guts to face him at the food court." She clucked her tongue a few times before adding, "Of course, the decision is yours now."
"Decision?"
"Yeah. Decision." Edith was the parrot this time. "You've managed to figure out what he was up to, but it's still up to you to figure out what to do about it. It's not like he can actually fail you over a lame stunt like this, but he is one of the people assigned to assess you. It’s probably in your best interest to show up at the food court on time. Assuming, that is, that you weren't just blowing smoke up my ass with all of that 'task I was given' crap before."
Danielle pressed her leg against the edge of her staff. If it hadn't before, it was bound to leave an impression when she finally went to stand up. She truly had meant every word she had said to Edith earlier. Danielle had her reasons for being here, and it wasn't part of her plan at all to give up. She could imagine that someone would look at her and think that she wasn't cut out for the job, but that didn't necessarily mean that she shouldn't do it. On top of that, she had felt more reassured than discouraged by the conversation she had here. She wasn't sure that was what Edith intended, but it made her feel better all the same.
"Yeah," Danielle said. "Yeah, I think I'll go there."
"Good," Edith replied. "Good for you. Now, you better haul butt over there. You don't have a lot of time to make it."
Danielle glanced at the clock on the wall, noting that there were roughly fifteen minutes left before noon. "Right," she uttered as she stood up and picked up her staff. She smiled and nodded politely as she turned to walk out of the room. She opened the door, then paused and turned back towards Edith. "What was the other thing?"
Edith, who had started to relax a hair as Danielle was leaving, perked up her eyebrows. "Huh? What that?"
Danielle turned on a heel so that she could better face Edith at the doorway. "You said before that there were two things I needed to know about Lake O'Bannon. The first was that the whole insensitive thing as an act. What's the second thing?"
"Oh, that." Edith smiled. "The second thing you need to know about Lake O'Bannon... is that he's a very good actor."
Danielle found herself inexplicably smiling after the comment. She turned to head out of the door.
"Brightstar?"
"Yes."
"Do yourself a favor and buy a watch, will ya?"
"Right. Right. Thanks."
...
(One of the things that I wanted to establish after having Dani take the brunt of first Lake's attitude, then Edith's is that Dani isn't exactly a pushover. Yes, her inclination is to approach new things timidly, but she's more than willing to stand her ground when need be. It doesn't hurt that Edith pushed a specific set of hot buttons for Dani, which inclined Dani to snap back a little.
As for Lake's little "test"... sure, it's actually a stupid trick, but it's the kind of thing that I'd be inclined to do in a roleplaying session to see if anyone was paying attention to detail. Dani in this unfortunately represents a large chunk of roleplayers who so readily dive into a task or challenge that they ignore the relevant details.
In this case, though, Edith tosses Dani a clue. This is, quite possibly the nicest thing you will ever see Edith do. She not only steers Dani in the right direction, but gives her a little insight into the nature of would-be mentor Lake O'Bannon. Not that said insight will necessarily help her.
It should be noted, though, that I consider Edith's "two things" comment to be a quintessential definition of Lake's character. That I let Edith say it is a testament to how well she knows the man, despite the fact that she would never admit any of that to him in public.
Which brings us back to Lake. Despite my love for one of my creations, he did need to step back at points in time in this story. And even though it was supposed to be his story, Dani ends up taking most of the spotlight. The story just worked better that way. But that doesn't mean that I won't get back to him very shortly...)
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