Adventures in Baking Part 2: The Confession

Hey, girl. How are you doing? How do you like those cupcakes? The frosting's good, right? Yeah. Yeah. Listen. I've got something I've got to say. And I don't think it's going to make you happy. But... just hear me out. Cue the music. Something soft with a bass.

(music starts) Ahh, yeah.

I was at the store, you know...
Just picking up a few things,
And if I could afford a decent artist,
This would be the point where he sings (the point where he sings...)

I had the flour, I had the sugar,
All those things that you like.
I had a good trunk full of baking supplies,
Thank goodness I didn't take my bike (there just wouldn't be room...).

I know, I don't own a bike. But it rhymed so bear with me (he's trying to make it rhyme...)

Don't. Don't do that until I'm back in the free verse. I appreciate it, but don't worry about it. Yeah. Yeah. So, girl...

I was on my way to the checkout,
Thinking about how you'd smile.
And I don't know why I did it, baby,
But I looked back down that aisle (just one peek down the aisle...)

See, I was just thinking. I was just thinking, baby. I thought, what if I don't have the time I need... to make that good batter? You know you like that good batter, girl. Yeah. Yeah. But I was thinking, there might not be time. And as I looked down that aisle... oh, girl. I saw the Betty Crocker.

Don't cry baby. No, no, don't cry. Just listen to me. Listen to me, baby. I didn't plan to use it. I never planned to use it. But I could hear the voice in the back of my head, and it was saying:

Just one box, just one box,
Put it on the back shelf.
Keep it for emergencies,
Just keep it to yourself! (Ohhhhhhhh...)

But I didn't keep it to myself, baby. I shared it, baby. I woke up this morning, and I knew that I didn't have enough time. So I took a shortcut. I reached up for that box. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help myself. A little water, a little oil, a few eggs. Two and a half minutes in a mixer, and... and... I made the cupcakes. Those cupcakes right there. That you're eating right now, baby. I made those shortcut cupcakes.

It's okay, baby. No, no, no, it's okay, baby. Don't get the hate in your eyes, girl. Because you know that it's still good, girl. It's not the batter you love, but it's still good, girl.

I know these ain't the cupcakes,
That you were dreaming of.
The mix may have been pre-made,
But... it was mixed with love! (Oooooooooooooh....)

That, uh... that didn't quite come out the way I meant for it to, baby. But just listen just listen just listen... The frosting... the frosting is all me, baby. Made it all myself, baby. Made it smooth and creamy. And then I stirred in some cocoa. I said I stirred in some cocoa, girl! You know you love the chocolate. And then I laid those cupcakes out. I laid them out and I had the frosting. I had to... I had to keep washing my hands. Because it was so good I kept licking my fingers. And I wanted to keep things clean, girl. (Clean, not like Paula Deen...)

What'd I tell you about improvising? I'm going to give you that one because it's true. Ol' finger lickin' Paula. Ughh.

Now, girl. I want you to know that I confess. And I'm sorry. But I got so much more for you, baby. I got so much planned if you forgive me, girl. I got some more cookies for you, girl. I got cupcakes and rolls for you girl. I just got these star shaped baking cups from my sister. You know you want little star cakes, girl. And the frosting. I got more frosting, baby. And the frosting... it's still good.

Give you joy, baby,
Give you tingles.
I got frosting and...
Lots of srpinkles - Ahhhhhhhhhhhh....!

Chaka-Khan, Chaka-Khan, Chaka-Chaka-Chaka-Khan. Woo...!

...

Okay, so it's not "In the Closet". But then again, I'm not R. Kelly.