The Ride: A Story of Redemption

... Okay, not really, but it sounds better than "How I got Home from Work: A Story You Won't Care About." But you should, because it nears epic status with regards to my failure.

It all begins with my Super Bowl plans. No, I don't have plans to attend a party, and to be fair my only true celebrating came down to the tortilla chips and salsa that I bought at the store earlier this week (which strangely remained untouched during taco night) and the 3-D glasses that I picked up on yesterday.

At this point, you probably realize that I don't really care about who wins the game (although I do tend to root for an underdog by default). No, my only ardent wish is to check out the two 3-D ads set to air at the end of the half. The only obstacle I have to this is the fact that I'm slated to work through 7PM (including 4 hours of overtime... yay...), clearly after the game is set to start. But I figure I'll probably have just enough time to drive myself home before the half ends and a little to spare. But of course, I wouldn't start this story if it ended like that, now would I?

So here's where things start to fall apart. My coworker that's relieving me comes in at about the absolute latest time that she could possibly come in and still be on time. This cuts into my safety buffer, so I decide to do something I don't normally do and take the back way home. The back way, in this case, is a trip down Chatham Parkway not towards 17 but towards Telfair. It's a back road trip that I don't normally make when it's dark (for obvious reasons), but it shaves a good five minutes off my trip time home because it's a straighter shot to pass by the train station. Unless...

I see the red flashing lights and immediately remember what I always forget with regards to this path: if a train is crossing the road, you're generally screwed. Why I never seem to remember this unless and until I head this way I'll never know. So having lost the initial game of Train Roulette (which I didn't realize I was playing), I decide to play a game Crossing Roulette. This is where I decide that instead of actually turning around and heading back the other way (a trip you know will take at least the 15 minutes it was going to and then some), I'll try to wait it out and hope that the train in question doesn't stall out on the tracks like so many freight trains are wont to do.

You know what happened there.

So I suck it up, turn around and head back the other way. Only before I get back to good old HW17, I have to pass I-16. Now, I never, and I should stress this, never take I-16 home. Not only do I not like interstate driving at night, but also I've already determined that it normally doesn't save me any time. But screw it, right? How could it possibly get any worse?

And I'd love to tell you a delicious anecdote about the pile-up that cost me the whole can of beans, but it really was a run of the mill drive the rest of the way to my house. I'm running the contingency plans through my head on the way there, just in case this really is close. No time for taking my stuff out of the car. I'll just go in and turn on my TV. That way, I can always pause my DVR and catch whatever's left of the whole thing after I get my stuff. (And yes, I did actually think this through that far. I got that bored when I was driving.)

The rest is just a little colorful nonsense. I get out of my car and close the door on my seat belt for the umpteenth time, an action that annoys me because the door doesn't close all the way but closes just enough that I have to unlock the door to get the seat belt out. But screw you, seat belt. You'll wait the 20 seconds just like the stuff in my trunk will. And of course, I end up not having to have worried about anything, since the rest of the second quarter took way more time than I figured. So happy endings all around, I got to see my stupid 3-D effects (which were marginally successful), and I got home from work safe and sound, which is always a good thing. You'll note that I really don't care about the game, since I've spent most of the second half composing this story that I openly admit really wasn't all that epic after all. But it is, as it always is... my life.