"You're hurt..." / "Lady, I'm ****ing dead!"

Or... why Dead Heat is, in fact, ridiculously awesome.

You may recall my previous commentary on this film, a half-sleeping daze of a remembrance that made me question if such a film actually existed. For that purpose (and also because during a vacation week, I am much less picky about how I spend my time), I not only made note of when it was airing again, but also recorded on my DVR. I was that dedicated to watching it in full.

What to say about this film...? As mentioned before, the plot revolves around detectives Mortis (played by Treat Williams) and Bigelow (played by... Joe Piscopo). The two get dragged into a robbery ring being committed by zombies. Yes, that is the premise, and at no point in time does the film make any apologies over it. The only thing more insane than its premise is its execution (pun, intended). It's a film that both doesn't take itself seriously yet at the same time makes its characters almost seem to care.

The writing leaves much to be desired. In fact, I will add this film to the list of things I think about when I feel like I couldn't be a professional writer. There are any number of moments that look like they came straight out of a first draft. Case in point: there's a moment mid-film where Bigelow, while attempting to enter a restricted area, shorts out a card reader using the plastic visitor's badge he was given at the entrance. No jimmying or anything; he just sticks it into the card slot and short circuits it.

Really, this film is cheese-tastic. It's rated R, but it have to have been skirting the line for PG-13. And someone should have cut the handful of sharp obscenities and graphic (but mostly comedic) violence down so that all the teens could have checked this out... wherever it was shown. I can't believe that it existed in theaters; it had to have gone straight to cable or something. I mean it wasn't Troma Films bad, but it was close.

And yet, there is a certain quality to it. Williams' Roger Mortis, who becomes unfortunately undead, faces his impending doom with a stoic, carefree attitude that eventually gives way to bouts of regret about his life and then fades completely into a delicious episode of, "F*** this!" As a side note, someone should make a TV show called, "F*** this!"

But don't let that last part convince you that the film is there for anything other than camp value. It's clearly in the "so bad it's good" category, and the only thing more amazing than the fact that it was made is that supposedly, someone actually wanted to greenlight a sequel (which, if you ever see the film, you'll know would be highly impossible to pull off). Still, I must convince someone to see this, if only so they can share in my combination joy/pain.