HouseTV: Believe it or Not...

Many people (presumably my age or older, but perhaps a few retro fans besides that) will remember this show, but I felt the need to revisit it for a few reasons. I speak, of course, of The Greatest American Hero.

See, back before it was en vogue to do projects related to superheros and people were just getting used to believing that a man could fly, there was a man that was trying to embrace the idea himself.

I speak of Ralph Hinkley (played by William Katt), high school teacher and all around nice guy who is visited one night by strange aliens in the desert. No lie, this is how it all starts. It seems that because of his good nature and heart, he has been chosen to be a champion for justice. The aliens provide Ralph with a costume that grants him a wide variety of powers and abilities along with an instruction manual to guide him in the use of the suit. Ralph, as is the case in situations like this, promptly loses the manual, and with it, any chances of ever gaining full control of the super-suit.

And that's the main premise of the show. Ralph would often come to the aid of FBI agent Bill Maxwell (played by Robert Culp) and many times come into conflict in his relationship with girlfriend Pam Davidson (played by the disturbingly pretty Connie Sellecca). And of course, at various points in time, he would help any number of other assorted people and students, all while trying to figure out how to make his suit work.

As you'd imagine, the show is more of a comedy than a true superhero action show. Most of the time is spent showing the antics of Ralph and Bill getting into and out of trouble, with the occasional super feat tossed in at random points. There were two highly notable things about this show:

1) The super suit that Ralph had was awesome. And I don't just mean the design here (which in reality was pretty spiffy). Ralph was granted any number of powers by it, most notably flight, super strength and invulnerability (although since the costume granted the invulnerability, Ralph would end up covering his face anytime someone shot at him. Which makes no sense when you realize the number of times Ralph ran into/through stuff with no facial damage.) But on top of this, the suit also granted Ralph other abilities. He had psychometry, or psychic reading, which allowed him to see images of people by making contact with an object that they had touched. He could turn invisible. And there are no doubt any number of other things that I'm forgetting. If he had actually kept up with the manual for it, he would have been quite the force to be reckoned with. And he wasn't exactly chump change without the manual.

2) The show has perhaps one of the better and catchiest theme songs ever made. The DVD boxset for the show had a button on the front you could press to play the theme at will. And why not? Check this out.



And the show still has many fans floating around out there. There was recently work done on a comic book (which included as part of its writing team none other than William Katt). I stumbled across an interesting (if not disturbingly retro) web series based on the show on YouTube, and Nathan Fillon (you guys know him, right?) mentioned in an interview that he would be interested in playing the role in a feature film (even if he has a few weird ideas about it). So despite being dated as all get out and cheesier than Wisconsin cheddar factory, this show still remains a fond favorite of many, including yours truly.

HouseTV: Sleestak Advisory

Holy Shnikes! Sci-Fi Channel is showing Land of the Lost all day long. All. Day. Long. Dinos and Sleestaks and blue screens... oh my!

Although for some reason, I keep expecting some lone Sleestak to elbow someone in the chest. That's right... it's an offhanded dig at Bill Laimbeer. Choke on it, Bill.

And wow... this show is a lot darker than I remember it being. And I love it.

(Not So) Fresh, Imported Webhead

After the edtiorial choices of the past year or so, it's nice to see that Marvel can actually do something I appreciate with Spider-Man. Marvel.com has decided to show a subbed version of the old Spider-Man super sentai show. Think Spider-Man as a Power Ranger and you're on the right track. Just click below to check it out. You can check out a slightly larger version of the first episode at Marvel's website.

Retro Friday: Stuff I Like

Before the pitchforks get raised or protests get filed, I should stress that these are retro shows that I like. I don't particularly care if they're your favorites or not. So there.

First up, I'm delivering on a thought I had earlier in the week. When hearing of Ricardo Montalban's passing and going over the many notable roles he has played, I recalled that he played an integral role in the old series Freakazoid!


I know many people that liked this show, but it was a personal favorite of mine. If nothing else, it took what could have just been a serialized show about a wacky hero and sent it on wild and wacky tangents. And speaking of which, let's revisit the rebirth of a classic that had its own sense of quirky style as well. Here he comes to save the day...


Now I have no idea why I loved Mighty Mouse so much as a young child (there's still a picture of me floating around somewhere as a 4-5 year old kid dressed as MM for Halloween), but I did. And this new series appealed to the adolescent in me as I recognized as operating on that rare "mulitple levels" thing that so many animated shows miss. Unfortunately, it may have been a little too ahead of its time, and a sudden controversy over some dust or pollen or crushed whatever could have only helped lead to the shows eventual disappearance. Granted, it did last two seasons (albeit one abbreviated one), so more power to it.

I was honestly going to try to find the old Andy Kaufman performance of the Mighty Mouse theme to top this whole thing off, but for some reason I couldn't dig it out of YouTube. Mind you, I know it exists. I djust don't feel like exerting the effort. Besides, half the people that read this won't even consider it all that funny. So dig for yourself if you care.

But to cleanse the pallete, here's a little bit of another show that operated on two levels and was a personal favorite of mine: Muppet Babies.



Ah. All better.

Retro... Sunday?: When Selling Out Goes Weird (Celeb Edition)

Every time I turn around, I see the girl that turns my world around. But not, like, an adolescent in different colored sneakers. Because that would just be wrong. And illegal. Anyways, we go back once again to the time when theme songs meant something in this special celebrity edition.

Well, they were celebrities at the time.

If you remember the terror of last week and Hammerman (I promise not to do that again.. I think, then you'll also remember there were a few more cartoons over the years that involved celebrities or TV shows. And while I could dig out any number of bad ones, I decided instead to pull a few that were odd, but at least watchable.

First on the agenda, a live action show that became a cartoon. There were a few (some of which I have to save for a crappier edition of Retro), but this one at least was based on a show that almost every kid of the time watched. I dare you to say that you were a kid when this was on and you didn't watch it:


The live action Punky Brewster show then begat the animated series, a show that shared characters but almost none of the concept of its predecessor:


Punky Brewster gets credit for a few things. First, it kept all of Punky's friends from the live action show in the cast of the cartoon. When you decide to throw a magical creature from beyond the rainbow into the mix, it says something about you that you bother to maintain the stability of her normal friends. It may have helped that Punky's live action show was still airing at the time the cartoon aired, since I'm sure there was some exec somewhere saying they should be included.

Second, the show had an actual plot. I know what you're saying. "That doesn't count as plot," but believe me when I say that there are far stranger and pointless programs out there in this genre (Gary Coleman Show, I'm looking in your general direction...).

Third, it employed the greatest cut-in of all intros: a band scene. Fat Albert did this back in the day, but you have to understand that Fat Albert and his gang actually played their instruments in their show. At no point in time does Punky and her friends play any instruments with the exception of the 3 seconds worth of intro. That's chutzpah.

Next up, that show about a wisecracking puppet from outer space? Alf? Someone, somewhere decided that he should have his own cartoon. And that it should be based on his home planet Melmak and family that no one knew anything about. And it have lost, except that as I said in the beginning, theme songs meant everything back in the day. Feline quartets... for the win.



I don't remember much of this show, but I do remember being incredibly entertained by it. Maybe even moreso than Alf's earthbound show. Make of that what you will.

Finally, we come to one of the greatest concept shows ever made. And I say this because it literally had to be random ideas drawn from a hat. World Class Gymnasts + solving mysteries + Mr. T = Ratings!



This show was everything that was good and right cartoons. Let's ignore for a moment that the show is basically yet another retread of the tried and true Scooby Doo formula (a group of _____ with a talking/intelligent _____ travel around and solve mysteries.. and yes, I realize that makes Mr. T Scooby). The show wins for several reasons.

First, the show had actual mysteries to solve. Unlike Scooby-Doo AKA "Misdirection Theater", these kids actually stumbled across clues that led to an actual answer that made sense. It's like after the writers came up with this wacky concept, they actually applied themselves and stuff.

Also, despite never explaining how or why Mr. T was selected as overseer of the gymnast team, they create an environment in which you just don't care. The kids find pointless reasons to do rolls and flips to either attack or escape danger. Mr. T just randomly exerts his strength (or super strength as the case may be) to handle problems. Spike and his Mr. T idolization/mimicry makes him Scrappy-Doo-like. Throughout it all, they find a way to teach a valuable lesson to at least one of the kids. The dog has a mohawk. It's the most contrived thing you will ever see and you will not care. You love every minute of it. That very special episode where Spike gets kidnapped and that one tear runs down Mr. T's face... it just gets you right here... in the heart.

Okay, enough insanity for now.

Retro Friday: When Selling Out Goes Wrong

Saturday morning. A refuge for creative and original output. But more importantly, a source of advertising revenue and an outlet for outreach and promotion. And while I can't say just what each of these entries are, I can say that they were at the best very, very odd choices.

Let us go back in time to the early 80's. The video game era was just beginning to sustain it's consistent stars, and among them is the star of our first clip. None other than the godfather of all video games, the pellet gobbling, ghost chomping fiend: Pac-Man. Here, Pac and his family dealt with pesky ghosts and protected the power pellets from evil. I can't make this stuff up.


Moving on in the same era, we get an even odder entry. At some point, they decided to ignore games and just go with a popular toy of the time. For anyone who wouldn't believe this happened if I just told them, and for others who might have erased it from their memory: Rubik, the Amazing Cube. Rubik was exactly what they said he was. An evil magician made a magical living cube that could grant perform incredible feats of power. And of course, he loses said cube and has to try and get it back from them. The kids, of course, protect Rubik from the bad guy and get into all sorts of trouble of their own.

Aside from the almost certainly drug-assisted premise of the show, there are some other interesting notes. This was apparently the first (or one of the first) series starring a Hispanic cast. And the theme was sung by Menudo (who if you recall were actually an integral part of the Saturday Morning programming block of ABC at the time). Anywho, enjoy this short but disturbing intro, complete with Rubik's creepy demon-child voice.


And finally, to bring this to the pinnacle of selling out... or is this selling in? I'm not really sure what to make of this, except to say that if I ever become famous enough to push for my own cartoon show, I hope I have the fortitude to make sure that it doesn't end up like this. No explanation needed here. Just... just listen to the song. Oh, Stanley.

I feel the need to note here that I totally respect Hammer for both his music career and the things he did for his community. That said... what the deuce, man? Normally, a cartoon intro is better animated than the main series, but even this was poor. And the series was abyssmal.

It didn't even have a real series of plots you could follow. Some bad guy would do something. Stanley would screw around for 10 minutes or so before realizing that something was wrong (or being able to sneak away to do something about it). Then Stanley would put on his magic shoes - his magic, talking shoes - and become Hammerman. Then Hammerman would dance around in about four frames worth of animation (at best), and magical notes would fix whatever the problem du jour was. I can't stress to you how bad it was. And I would know, because as a kid I remember really, really wanting to like it. Ah, what might have been.

Tune in next week, when I think the celebrity theme of that last clip just might continue. Oh, the terror of it all...

Retro Friday: Holdiay Edition

I'm going to take a bit of a sidetrack from what I would normally post for retro clips here, but 'tis the season (really, I got to stop saying that so much...). First, in honor of the jolly holiday season (and in part because of my love of comics), here's an oldy but goody. I never read the Lobo Paramilitary Special, but if it was 1/8th as great as this fan film adaptation, it was beyond awesome.



And in honor of a departed actress, here's a little Eartha Kitt Catwoman for you. If nothing else, enjoy Catwoman's brilliant escape maneuver. And jeez, Batman. What exactly is worse than death?

Retro Friday: By Special Request

The past few weeks worth of retro toonage have found me stumbling across this show multiple times. And since someone specifically requested it, I have no choice but to finally pull the trigger on its epic greatness. They are so proud to be... a super future family. A-Wiki-wiki-woohoo...:

The main character, 'Bionic-1', was a machine-enhanced human being using bionic technology, much like The Six Million Dollar Man. On a vacation in the Himalayas, Bionic-1 and his family were testing out some new ski equipment. They were attacked by aliens and during the battle, in which Jack revealed his abilities to his children for the first time, there was an avalanche and the Bennetts were all buried alive under radioactive snow. All, but Jack (whose bionics made him immune to the radioactivity), were thrown into paralytic comas. Unsure how to save them, Bionic-1 brings the family to Professor Sharp's lab. Sharp deduces that giving everyone the bionic treatment would cure them of the radioactivity too. Each family member was given a specific bionic power, and they formed a team named Bionic Six.

That's right. It's none other than Bionic Six.


You have to love a theme song that emphasizes the family element. Not to mention the team itself was a walking promotion for the joys of adoption. And... robotic... ape... creation? Yeah, that kind of got away from me. But still, we have time for the bread and butter of any good fantasy cartoon: the transform/power-up sequence. And seriously, just how much metal was Bionic-1 pimping inside of himself?


And because Firday is still fun day, let's also add: reason number eight that I don't own a webcam...

To Boldly Go...

"If you love Star Trek so much, why don't you marry it?"

Only one woman can ever say that she stepped up to that challenge, and now she's no longer with us. As AP reported yesterday, Majel Barrett Roddenberry AKA "a handful of lovable Star Trek characters" passed away at age 76. She had leukemia, which I feel bad for not knowing (unless it's one of those things that wasn't widely known, in which case I guess I feel fine about it).

Most people will remember Lwaxana Troi from TNG, and true fans will remember Nurse Chapel from the original series, but I always remember her as the voice of the computer. And not the newer computer where her voice was clearly recognizable, but the older model where she was clearly working her best robot voice. Think fondly of her every time you watch the old show and hear that infamous blinking, clicky box chirp out, "Working..."

Retro-Friday? Fun Friday? Freaky Friday?

You can't stop them, because they won't stop!

Why won't they stop?

I speak, of course, about the wacky little cratoon known as The Littles. The greatness that is Wikipedia breaks it down like this:

Similar to Mary Norton's earlier novel The Borrowers, The Littles features a family of tiny but intelligent humanoid creatures with mouse-like features (the Littles) who live in a house owned by the Bigg family. The mouse-like features include a long, furry tail, long teeth and mouse-like ears. Their height is 4-6 inches. In the original books, nobody (not even the Biggs) knows anything about the Littles. By contrast, in the TV series, only Henry Bigg knew of the Littles.

Henry never knew they existed in the books? I learned something. Did you know that The Littles had three separate seasons, and openings for each season? Yeah, you know what happens next.

Season 1



Season 2, which inexplicably says that Henry found the Littles in his suitcase. Like all musical discrepancies, this was probably done simply to make a rhyme.



And in Season 3, much like MC Hammer, they went around the world... from London to the Bay. Well, they went places. They even went into space. Dinky stole a microchip and the shuttle almost couldn't re-enter the atmosphere. Why do I remember this stuff?



But unlike Hammer, The Littles actually did become sellouts. If the last intro didn't make it clear, the show was more or less circling the drain at that point. Still, it was on for three seasons, which is two seasons more than most cartoon shows got and three more than I've ever had.

And of course, I still occasionally remember this theme song and wait desperately for someone to adapt the entire thing into a horror film of some sort. Can't you just see some labcoat wearing scientist, blood coated face and all screaming into a grainy video screen, "You can't stop the Littles! The Littles... don't... stop!"?

No? Just me, huh? Yeah, I got issues.

On the Gaming Front: Extra Quirky Edition

It's time to go over a few concepts in gaming that I've found strange, bizarre, and oddly compelling over the past few weeks.

First up is an odd little bit of info that I sutmbled across. While many people talk about making their own games, one man has actually put in the years of time necessary to get very very close to achieving his goal. Robert Pelloni has a game that he's simply entitled "Bob's Game" (go figure). And if his website and this preview video are any indication, he's quite dedicated to it.



Next up (and with a much firmer release date) is a Nintendo DS game that I came across recently: Scribblenauts. The concept, as IGN put it, is hard to explain in words but easier to grasp in a video. Which is good, because I'm feeling lazy and I don't even know how many words a 100 second video would translate into.



As the full preview article explains, they're apparently going through great lengths to have virtually every item imaginable available so long as you can write it down. The game itself seems to work on a system much like an advanced version of Simon Sez Santa.

And by the by, I had totally forgotten that Ol'Santa existed. I gotta go check that guy out again. Ah, the holidays.

Retro Thursday: Saturday Morning Madness

The old school goodness continues, this week going with a Saturday Morning focus. Young bucks take notice. This is how we used to do this thing back in the day.

Once again we go back to the time before basic cable was a standard that gave you many, many options for animated goodness. For this particular show, I'm just going to break down and quote Wikipedia directly:

The 23rd Century, the future is a time of robots and aliens. The people of Earth have banded together along with several other peaceful alien races to promote peace throughout the galaxy, forming the United Planets. As part of the United Planets, the Galactic Patrol — a body of law-enforcers — works to maintain order, under the leadership of Commander Rondu.

However, a powerful criminal organization called SHADOW is out to destroy both the Galactic Patrol and the U.P.. Led by Umbra, a massive cyborg-computer, SHADOW employs sinister agents and incredible schemes to attack and someday rule over all corners of the known-galaxy.

There is one thing that helps to fight against SHADOW; ingenious inventor Rob Simmons — secretly a member of the Galactic Patrol — creates six special robots who can use their unique powers to battle against the forces of Umbra. Together, these robots can unite to form a giant robot called Mighty Orbots, to fight for truth, justice and peace for all.

Strongman Tor, shapeshifting Bort, elemental Bo, illusionist Boo, and munchmaster Crunch. And don't forget little Ohno (every team needs a pet/sidekick). Mighty Orbots!


You have to understand that while many people loved this particular program, it was a personal favorite of mine when I was a kid. What's not to love? Giant robots coming together and laying the smackdown. And speaking of coming together... Orbots, unite!



And for round two, here's a little gem that I used to watch religiously for no reason whatsoever: Pole Position. I think maybe I thought that it was somehow based on the video game (even though I never really liked the video game). Tess and Dan Garrett were part of a secret spy organzation and a vehicle stunt show (which was, of course, their cover). Their cars, Wheels and Roadie, weren't exactly KITT, but they did have a few gadgets including a hydrofoil and hovercraft mode. I spent the better part of a season trying to figure out why you needed a hydrofoil mode when you had a perfectly good hovercraft right there, but that's just my sick kid mind.

Anyways, here's the intro.


Note: The animal is a raccoon/monkey hybrid named Kuma (every team needs a pet/sidekick)
Note the Second: The younger girl is the little sister Daisy (this team apparently needs two pets/sidekicks).
Note the Third: This one will appeal to almost half of my reader base. Tess' car Wheels was voiced by Melvin Franklin. Yes, the man who was part of the Temptations. I learned something new today.

I could do this all day, but since I'm pretty sure that no one will read past the second show I subject them to... er, share with them, I'm going to call it a day.

Not Quite an Obama-bration

It’s time for a holiday mash-up. All the joy and goodwill of a Thanksgiving post. All the fun of Friday Fun Day. All the old school of Thursday Retro Day. And a little bit of funk.

Okay, maybe not so much of the last one.

First the big update. As any who have stopped by know, I have been on a noble quest this past month. I took on the challenge of National Novel Writing Month (or NaNoWriMo, for short), which asks you to write a 50,000 word novel in the 30 days of November. Well today, it is my fond and sincere pleasure to inform you that I have hit the benchmark. 50K, 30 days. A winner is me. Let us celebrate the greatness with some old school music. You know the song, so sing along. (And yes, I did have to go with the Disco Inferno version. Roll with it.)


I have much more to say on the subject, but I think that for now I'll just bask in the partying. And possibly pass out.

HouseTV: Thursday is Retro Day

At least it is this week. I was going to revisit a few older cartoons today, and certainly a few quirkier ones. But because of a conversation I had yesterday, I felt inclined to cover this pair in more detail. Fans of piggybacking (or straight ripping off) concepts will love this particular discussion.

True glory lies within...



Let's be honest. If you were a child of my generation (meaning you're now an adult in your 30's.. embrace it), then you clearly know of the Thundercats. In fact, Thundercats were relatively popular even outside of my childhood. Panthro, the engineer who was clearly black even though he wasn't (the man had nunchucks and he drove the van... er, Thundertank). Tigra and his whip of... illusion (sigh... well, he was useful once or twice). Cheetara the speedster who single-handedly proved that a brown one piece could, in fact be disturbingly hot. Wily Kit and Wily Kat, the kids who were always trapped or captured. And of course Lion-O, wielder of the greatest phallic symbol known to toondom, the Sword of Omens.

But my story today is not about them. No, my story today is about their lesser known "cousins" if you will. Made of silver, nerves of steel. Partly metal, partly real? I speak of course, of the Silverhawks.

Now, anyone with half a brain could see that the show was a near and clear ripoff of Thundercats. Not that this is a surprise. Anytime something on television is a big succes, someone looks to emulate it. In this case, it is still the same production company, which means that the show itself was terribly similar in concept.

Having said that, there were only a few true recurring themes. The main premise, that of being half-human, half-something (cat-person/metal-person... or specifically metal hawk-person) and the bad guy who inexplicably became more powerful by transforming while reciting mantra (Mumm-Ra/Mon-Star) being the most notable. But from there the shows diverge heavily. While the Thundercats struggled to survive on their new planet Third Earth, the Silverhawks fought crime in the galaxy of Limbo.

And how could you not love these guys? Leader Quicksilver and his bird Tally Hawk. The twin siblings Steelheart and Steelwill. The Copper Kid from the Planet of Mimes (and they should have gone there at least once; the beeping alone could have caused Pokemon level seizures), and Bluegrass. Now I should note here that I was having a discussion yesterday about this show, and Bluegrass was the only one of the original Hawks that I couldn't name. It should be no surprise then, that I had an uber geek moment at work and ended up sending this e-mail to someone I know at 2:52 AM:

His name was Blue Grass. He flew the ship, and
played Hot Licks, his guitar.

No, I did not look it up. Yes, it was still
bothering me. Yes, I should be up at this time of night.

-TH

It was not until I stumbled upon Wikipedia later that I remembered that there were, in fact four other Silverhawks over the course of the show and they each ended up with weapon birds (that's how you sell the toys, yo). But enough pointless rambling. You're here for the clip, right?

Things of note/interest from the intro:

• Bluegrass was lame in retrospect, but cool at the time. Sure, Roy Rogers played his guitar while riding a horse, but did he ever do it while riding his horse through an asteroid field? I think not. Also, Bluegrass could kick Shipwreck's butt any day of the week.


• This show took place back in the olden days, where a rainbow had no implications other than being pretty colors. In this day and age, someone would no doubt be trying discover who was sending a "hidden message" by including one in the exhaust stream of the Hawks' ship, The Maraj. Despite the fact that it's even mentioned in the intro song.


• Shoulder mounted twin lasers are made of win.


• Not seen here but equally cool were the "space quizzes" at the end of the show where Bluegrass would question Copper Kid about his knowledge of space. See, Copper Kid wanted to pilot The Maraj, and this was Bluegrass' way of making him ready. I note this only becasue there were a few select times when Copper Kid did in fact pilot the Maraj. Also, learning is cool.


• Like many intros of the day (and now even), this intro is a measure of degrees better than the actual show was quality-wise. That's probably why I love it so much.

But for those of you who really, really remember your toonage, I'm sure that you also recall that the creators of the above listed shows went to the well one more time with this concept and created the Tigersharks.

Yes, Tigersharks. The show covered the adventures of a team of deep sea specialists exploring a virtual waterworld. Unlike their other toon-mates, however, the Tigershark team didn't remain in their hybrid forms permanently, but instead transformed into them by entering the "Fish Tank" (which is exactly what it sounds like)

Things of note/interest about the intro:

• The Tigersharks show was a part of a syndicated block called The Comic Strip. Since each episode was broken into parts to coincide with the other shows' 15 minute formats, the Tigersharks intro is notably shorter than the average show of the time.

• The only character I really noted on the show was Dolph, who became (naturally enough) part dolphin. This was relevant mainly because of all the other Tigersharks, Dolph was the only one that had to occasionally leave whatever they were up to to and go to the surface for air. Which, considering the goal was to change forms to remain underwater, had to suck for him.

• Unlike the other two shows, I have no doubt that I wouldn't find Tigersharks nearly as entertaining as I do the other two. But then, I didn't follow it nearly as closely either. As an early syndicated block, it was prone to rescheduling and preempting by the network that aired it at will.

• Yes, that guppy looking thing right near the end was a sidekick/pet. Every team needs a lovable sidekick/pet. Ugh...

• Not seen here but fondly remembered was the rally cry used by the team, a telepathic transmission of the message, "Catch a tiger by the tail." This would lead to the responding heroes responding, "Hold on, Tigershark." So the theme song makes more sense, then. Ehh....

And now, because I couldn't leave without giving it up, the original and the greatest: